As I write this, I can hear things being kicked and thrown upstairs.  Every once in a while, I’ll hear an ear-piercing scream followed by a stomp.  Arden’s upstairs, making her face bright red and freaking out in general.  Everyone always wants to know what sets her off, so here you go.

I’ve been wanting a neti pot for a while now, but after reading that sinus washing can help eliminate flu risk, I figured it would be fun (remember that I said fun) to take Arden to Walgreens after I picked her up from preschool.  I had a prescription to refill anyway.  As soon as I told her we had to pick up something, she started asking what she could buy at the store.  First candy, then a toy. I said no to both and calmly explained (for the 80th time at least) that every time we go to a store doesn’t mean she’s going to score something.  She started whining as soon as I got into the store.  When she realized I was serious, she literally sat down on the floor in front of a Barbie display and refused to speak, but was making her pre-tantrum noises, which are a mix between Chewbacca from Star Wars and a rabid dog growling.  Sometimes she sounds like those Gremlins from the movie.  I knew I was doomed.  It’s only 10% of the time, once the growling noises start, that I am able to break her out of a tantrum.

I managed to grab a neti pot and made a dash for the pharmacy, literally pulling her behind me.  Of course, there was a long line, and Arden’s growls became closer together and louder.  I had promised that we could go on a bike ride to the park today, so I told her if she kept up the whining and asking me for everything (including a pack of Nicorette gum), she was going to lose that privilege.  Guess what?  The growling became more pronounced.  I waited until we were at the doors, exiting Walgreens, to tell her there would be no park today.  Good thing, because the first thing out of her mouth was her world-famous, death-blow-dealing scream.  In the middle of the parking lot.  This was followed by trying to buckle a screaming, kicking 5 year old into her car seat.  A few minutes later, shoes were off, being thrown at the windows, then the socks.  In the span of 15 minutes, she lost her bike ride, and 5 days (a world record for Arden) of book reading at night. 

I really subscribe to getting away from the 1-2-3 warnings.  They don’t work with her, and they’ve made her worse.  She just blows me off.  Then I started telling her one time that her behavior was going to result in a punishment, and I gave no further warnings.  Today was a prime example.  It’s really hard to get through it because I know she’s going to freak out and turn into exorcist child, but I have to stay the course.

Her rages freak me out too, because now I’m wondering if I’ve passed on my ultra-emotional states to her, and doomed her to a life of wondrous highs and devastating lows.  Then again, she’s 5.  And I put it into perspective. 

I have found one great side effect to serious depression:  I’m pretty calm.  While I’m irritated easily still, I don’t fly into a rage or scream and yell quite as much. It takes too much energy to get that upset.  When Arden freaks now, I tend to find myself entering some weird, calm zen-like place in my head.  I’m able to sing along with the radio and ignore the raging angry red-faced child in the backseat, until a shoe hits my head or the snot dripping out of her nose burns through my gross-out factor.  I’ve been looking for anything positive out of how I feel, and this is definitely a plus.  Depression makes me tired, somewhat irritable, but a lot better able to handle the stranger my child becomes when she flips out.

Everytime I experience one of her rages, I tell myself that soon, this too shall pass.  But I wonder.  It never really passed for me, and I’m 38.  I just learned to deal with it much better, and I’m hoping I have the patience to guide her to a more peaceful stage.  If not, we’re both going to end up deaf from all the screaming.