I’m talking about Arden - my second-born, my youngest, my blondest, my most challenging.  I think later on in life I will be diagnosed with a ulcer - and I will name it Arden Jr. out of love and respect for my 3 year old. 

Arden. What to say about Arden.  As I explained to Jennifer this morning, the easiest way to say it is, my ego gets kicked from morning til night with Ard.  She has personality pouring out of her, she’s funny and sometimes very kind.  She’s also incredibly hard-headed and feisty.  I’m sure we butt heads because I am also a bit hard-headed, and a bit feisty.  However, I finally know what mothers mean when they say, “I don’t know how to handle my child.”  I usually feel like an idiot when parenting Arden.  Sometimes I get so tongue-tied I can’t even speak.  Like yesterday, when she was wearing her snowboots while she was supposed to be sleeping. She was STOMPING on the floor, as if to say, “You hear that, mommy? I am awake, in my closet, and it’s time to get this party started!”

Last night I was putting her to bed, and Mike had gone back to work. We played for a few minutes, read a long book.  Everything was fine.  Then I tried to get her INTO the bed. She literally took off running.  She loves to scream “NO” in my face, often accompanied with a wagging or pointing finger.  I gave her three warnings.  Then I picked her up, potato-sack over the shoulder style, and put her in her bed. She kicked the covers off. She turned her back to me. She refused to look at me.  She refused to say goodnight. I eventually gave up trying to “love” her, which is so important to me - and left the room.  About 10 minutes later, I tried again.  She allowed me to give her a kiss, but then said, “I want you to leave now Mommy.”  She’s quite articulate when she wants to be.

I have two children who are so very different. Lily is all over you. Hugging, kissing, petting.  She usually listens and she usually isn’t very sassy. Lily has other issues - she’s not perfect.  However, Arden’s issues push all my buttons. And because she doesn’t normally allow me to comfort her by holding or touching her, I am at a loss for how to do it.  I’ve tried spending time alone with her, away from the barnacle known as Lily, and it helps momentarily.  She is very attached to Mike, and will take me as a distant second choice when she has to. 

Why does this bother me so much? Do I have to be the best-loved by everyone in my little foursome family?  Apparently, yes, but there’s more to it than that. 

I WANT Arden to feel loved.  And without being able to express love the way I am accustomed, I fear she is going to feel left out. Right now, she doesn’t appear to care, but I miss her. I miss holding her and snuggling with her.  I miss spending time with her where she isn’t screaming NO in my face or sticking her bottom lip out in a perfect pout.  So maybe it’s all about me.  I don’t know.  I am trying to be a good parent - it’s my job, and Mike’s, to help her learn to temper her expectations.  She is not very patient, and she is quite demanding. Life will beat her down if we don’t help her learn to manage her frustration levels.  By 3 1/2 I was noticing big strides in Lily’s ability to hear the word no, and understanding that her bad behavior would have consequences.  The truth is, some days with Arden, I don’t feel like any of it has done any good.  I feel like a failure during those moments. 

Part of it is purely selfish. My sister Risa will be the first to tell you that not everyone is warm and cuddly.  I love to kiss and hug my sis because she hates it   Perhaps Arden just needs more space than I’m accustomed to.  As a mother who works outside the home, the 2 hours I get with my kids at night are extremely important. Because Arden won’t tolerate just cuddling with me, I desperately miss her.  She is, as I said, a very hard nut to crack.

However, because she’s so particular about who she gives her love to, it really means a lot when she calls for me or needs me.  I am just trying to cherish those moments, and focus on them.  I am also hoping that she will grow out of some of this bad behavior, and very soon, before I have to start naming my ulcer.