A little Tears for Fears reference reminds everyone including myself that I’m so a child of the 80’s. 

I thought I’d hit rock bottom last September.  I’m guessing now that there is no real bottom - life goes up, goes down, goes sideways, busts off the rails, wrecks and reassembles.  I bounced down again last night, but I think that as horrible as the rocks feel right now, they are there for a reason. 

It’s really hard to see the silver lining in a snowstorm, but I’m trying.  All year I’ve been pushing myself to my limit and beyond.  The most important things in my life have been smashed down to make room for other, more pressing things.  My health has taken a serious hit.  I’ve already had one major health scare; this latest one isn’t a scare. It’s a fact. 

I’ve got to make some sweeping changes.  I have to take care of my children, then my businesses.  In order to do that, I have to take care of me.  This means that with the exception of work I have to do, I’m focusing solely on my kids and running and yoga.  That’s it. 

This past year has been physically challenging, but some of the emotional challenges have been far more demanding.  I’ve got some serious trust issues right now and they aren’t going to be resolved overnight.  And it’s no surprise to anyone that bad things happen to good people - all the time.  My friend Susan is a shining example of this.  I wondered, sitting up at night, if this is karma and I’m being punished.  Then I tell myself that these are all lessons, some packaged in prettier paper than others, and I need to be mindful and aware of what is happening to me.  None of this is accidental.  And maybe what it finally took for me to admit I need to slow down was a health issue. 

I’m trying to get over the part where I let people down, where I fail in delivering on things I said I would. I need to be okay with hibernating and protecting myself for a little while.  The hurts this year have come hard and fast.  Some of them were sucker punches; others were slow, drawn out kicks.  Nearly 12 months after this all began, I feel like I’ve been in a year-long car accident and my body is finally begging for mercy.  I’m giving in to it.  I’m giving it what it needs.  I’m giving it a break.