For those not in the know, Odontophobia is fear of teeth or dental surgeries/procedures.  I’m not really afraid of the dentist, but I’m generally afraid of teeth and all the things that go with them (bad breath, yellowness, cavities, stuff stuck in them). 

Here’s the deal. I loved the dental hygienist I used to see when we lived in the city. She was Russian, no-nonsense, and would frequently yell at her coworkers and mutter “Stupid Americans” under her breath.  I seriously loved her.  She was refreshing and unlike anyone else I knew, and she would always give it to me straight.  However, as the years passed (I’m not saying how many, but less than 5 and more than 1), I realized that driving down to her office was not likely to happen, given that it was 25 minutes away from my house.  When I took the girls in for their cleaning this year, I just sucked it up and made an appointment for myself.

I knew it wasn’t going to be very pleasant.  That’s what you get when you don’t go every 6 months - a lot of scraping and grinding and poking. However, my new (and very nice, albeit American) hygienist uses something new to me:  it’s the same Cap’n Hook instrument I’m used to, the thing that scrapes the gunk off your teeth, but hers vibrates and makes this horrible high-pitched whining sound as it dances all over your gumline.  A few times it literally felt like a white-hot pin stuck in my gum, vibrating its little heart to death. 

Then I heard her say, “Need to show you something.”

Egads. It’s never good when they stop scraping and blowing water into your throat long enough to pull out a mirror and bend your lips back over your head. 

Turn out I’d been missing a spot on number 27, whatever that is.  It’s one of my lower teeth.  Plaque had built up, and when she removed it, my gum had receded beneath it.  Then she said some scary words, ending in, “Mumble mumble give it six months and then we’ll see if you need a skin graft.”

Excuse me, Whaaaaa????  A skin graft?!?!  Yep, she pleasantly explained, flashing beautiful plaque-less teeth at me.  “We simply remove some skin from the roof of your mouth and stick it on the gum.” 

I started to dry heave.  She looked at my face and said, “Well, if you don’t want the skin removed from the roof of your mouth, we could always use donor tissue . . . “

Wow.  Nope.  Not interested in having random mouth tissue sewn into my gums, but thanks anyway. 

I have six months to brush it gently and floss a lot, and hopefully it will repair itself.  Believe me, if I ever needed motivation to floss, being told about “donor tissue” (*involuntarily shivering here*) is definitely the carrot in front of my horse. 

Other than that, I also found out I have an extra bone in the roof of my mouth, an extra cusp on one of my wisdom teeth, and no cavities.  I also had a lot of bleeding from all those silly bitewing x-rays that jabbed the heck out of my lower jaw.  Glad that’s over - for another 6 months at least.  Donor tissue.  Gag.