It’s the final week of my business life with Jennifer, at least for the foreseeable future. We’ll still get together a few times a week for shipping and packaging and gossip, in the evenings. But I am fully aware that this is the last Monday we’ll be working full-time together. It’s weird for both of us - it’s like the end of an era. Wait, it’s not “like” the end of an era. It IS the end of an era.
I can remember her first day, and we plotted our takeover of the marketing consulting field in Richmond. We both networked like fiends and realized we could both sell. We also had a lot of fun. Maybe we had too much fun. Even though there were a few days throughout the years sprinkled with tears of frustration (and occasionally rage) over the ways things could go, mostly we laughed our way through it. From the attorney who screamed at Jennifer to “cut the crap” (and believe me, he hadn’t even BEGUN to see the kind of crap Jennifer could dish out) to the psycho who heckled me during a new media presentation (she called me an “ageist”), we managed to find the humor in just about anything.
So we have taken turns being jealous of each other. Listening to her talk about the kick butt shoes at DSW makes me a a little green with envy. Listening to me talk about play dates does the same for her. We both want the same thing, however - a little bit of work mixed in with a little bit of family. Neither of us is getting exactly what we want, but we’re doing what we’ve always done - making the best of it and laughing a lot about it.
Thursday we will drink adult beverages in the middle of the day and make Sara drive our tipsy butts back to the office to sober up. It’s our last hurrah - then it gets hard. We have a schedule of how we will run the online businesses when I’m a full-time mom and she’s a full-time employee. I’m going to try not to covet the extra money she will earn; I’m sure she’ll try not to covet my mornings at the library.
For now, though, I have two feet in two places. The weekend was full of birthday activities for the kids, and whether it is self-imposed or not, I feel out of sorts suddenly with the women I’ve gotten to know over the years. I feel that “otherness” creeping in, no matter how much I push it back. I literally feel like I’m having a panic attack when I think about not working. I say this without meaning that I don’t WANT to stay home. I do. In fact, I’m a little fired up about the challenge of it. This doesn’t mean that I don’t feel terrified about it. I am rarely at a loss for words - this is one of those times. The only analogy I can give is my feelings mirror what I think jumping out of a plane with a parachute feels like. I’ve never done it, but my heart is in my throat, and although I know I’m going to be fine - full confidence in the chute opening - stepping off the ledge is scaring the crap out of me.
I promise that eventually I will stop writing obsessively about this at some point in the very near future. For now, though, I need to cope with it by turning it around, back and forth, in my blog, so I can look at it. When I’m done examining it, I’ll get back to the blogs about my parenting mistakes and my customer service nightmares. Until then, please standby.
It’ll all work out. it’ll take a while and you’ll find your rhythm…
Just a thought. I have been parachuting. The first few hundred feet take your breath away - literally. But after that, the most incredible ride. Have fun!
I think that you will surprise yourself, not only will you land with two feet on the ground you’ll have the best time you’ve ever had. It will be one heck of a transition, but you’ll do just fine.
I think it is great you are writing about all this! It will work out. You will have the best of both worlds, being home spending time with the girls AND running the online businesses. You will succeed my friend.
i’m glad you still writing about it. you can do it.
Try Parasailing, over water…less risk, loads of fun.
Hey do you know why the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence? (no, Jae…no pot joke coming) It is greener because there is more shit, fertilizer…manure over there.
You gonna be fine. “Eustress”= GOOD stress
~XO
First of all, have a fabulous time drinking your Thursday afternoon away. Love that your going to be giving it a final hurrah!
Enjoy this week because I really do think you just might find you like being the SAHM and you may never want to return to the working world. And if you find your having issues of not working outside the home, think of those kids as little employees!
One day we can all have exactly what we want, and until then we will get real good at acheiving balance in what we’re doing. And in real life friends talk about the same things all the time. I want to write about the same things I think about all the time, but it feels funny because it’s written down and so… permanant. Anyway, my point is, talk to your friends
The rewards you will get from being a SAHM are going to be awesome. That doesn’t take away from what you have done, just enjoy the memories & have fun Thursday!!
Mmmm…adult beverages. Did someone say adult beverages? And during the DAY!? Cheers!!
Seriously, you are writing exactly what I was feeling when I was home on maternity leave and started thinking I would NOT go back to work as planned. Every day I told DH I would call my manager and talk to her about it. Every day I didn’t because I couldn’t officially “take the plunge”. When I was close enough to the end of my LOA that she emailed me with an agenda for our first status upon my return, I was forced to dial. I’m SO glad I did, and I think you’ll feel the same. That feeling in the throat goes away, girl…I swear. Well, 90% of the time it’s gone. I won’t lie and say there are not days I’d much rather be back in my cubicle…but for the most part…not so much. Hang in there and enjoy that last Hurrrah!
I think you’re already slipping into your new shoes, taking them for a test walk, while holding your old shoes in your hands. You’re not as wobbly as you thought you’d be, but you’re not sure they’ll be as comfortable as your old ones.
Dude, that was kind of a crap analogy.
To me, it sounds like you’re ready. It’s a new adventure you WANT to go on.
Sounds like your working your life out…
Aw Homey. Change is hella scary—especially that first step. Although a couple of beers tend to take that edge away.
Good luck. I know you’re going to be fine.
One word for you Homey…
Geronimooooooooooooooo!!!!
xoxoxo
Definately keep writing about it…you need to put a voice to all those feelings. (Actualy…you need to get those voices out of your head)