I know many, many people have dealt with alcoholism in their families.  Sometimes I feel that it should give me comfort that it’s almost more normal to have an alcoholic in the family than not.  Usually, though, it just seems like cold comfort.

We’ve got an alcoholic in my extended family.  I remember talking with Sara about the situation, and the look on her face when she calmly put her fork down and said, “Alcoholics make a whole family sick.”  She was, as usual, dead on with that analysis.

Our family alcoholic has caused a lot of pain.  It’s driven a wedge between myself and the alcoholic, and now I am not really on speaking terms with that part of the family.  Worst of all, a child is involved, which means that I can’t really reach out to the child without going through the parents.  And they are the problem. 

It is strange to me that there are members of my family that are now invisible.  No one talks about them, but the pain we all feel is evident.  There are so many issues, wrapped up in one ugly ball.  There probably isn’t a way to fix the relationship at this point.  That part of the family believes that as long as the alcoholic is sober, there is no problem.  Unfortunately, I believe that the drinking is a symptom, and without a lot of help, the alcoholic isn’t going to get better. 

In my dreams, I wave a magic wand over the situation and we can all be family again.  Or I whisk their child away and give her a safe and stable life here with us.  In reality, I can’t do either.  All I can do is try to help myself deal with the situation.  I’ve been mulling over attending Alanon meetings. I think it might help, since I feel a combination of pure anger and huge guilt. Unfortunately, I have not been able to find a way to separate the alcoholic from spouse or child. I tried - it doesn’t work. 

So for now, there is a part of my family that remains invisible - silent, but there.