Thanks to everyone who delurked or sent me emails or texts after reading my post, especially my extended family (Sally and Aunt Paula and Anja, I’m looking at you).  It was more helpful than you can imagine to have support from all corners of the world. 

Although I probably freaked out a few members of my family with the entry, the only person’s opinion who mattered is Mike, and he was fine with it.  In fact, in an hour he’s heading over to his sisters to discuss the situation.  For a guy who isn’t open about anything with hardly anyone, it’s a big step for him and I’m proud of him.  Being honest about what’s happening means that now his friends and family can support him, and he needs it. 

This weekend was a first for us.  We both got the girls ready Saturday morning and went to Lily’s soccer game.  I spent most of the time wandering around after Arden, trying to keep her entertained, but I did get to snap a few pictures of Lily both when she was looking and when she wasn’t: 

Arden was pretty cranky when I said “no” to her request to wander across a very busy road to pick flowers. I know, I’m unreasonable:

After the game, I took a quick shower and headed out after kissing the girls goodbye and feeling very sad about it.  Thankfully, distraction was to be had at The Daily Grind.  I’d never been there before but loved the locally-owned coffee and teahouse and apparently the food was pretty good, or so Dan told me.  Dan was nice enough to sit down and talk with me about his own experiences with separation (not his, but his parents), and the things he felt they did right and wrong.  We ran into world-famous (okay, Short Pump famous) @trevordickerson and I managed not to squeal like the girls in the gym did when I saw him.  Dan’s one of the people who has really stepped up in the friend category.  He’s patient, understanding and always knows what the weather is going to be like.  Those are three very important qualities in a friend.

After Dan went on his merry way, I decided that instead of getting a bunch of work done, I would spend money I shouldn’t on a pedicure and an eyebrow wax.  I’m so glad I did, because it was heavenly to sit alone and do nothing for an hour besides watch the twitterverse on my iPhone and stare into space.  In a moment that made me believe there IS a god, the woman working on my hedges eyebrows spoke no English, so there was no pressure to converse.  Frankly, I couldn’t have even if I’d been forced by societal norms to do so.  The best I could do was grunt and drool slightly. 

She buffed, scrubbed, exfoliated, scraped, and picked at my legs and feet until they were in good shape, then sent me on my way.  If you need evidence of just how out of it I am, I forgot to eat lunch.  I am a person that does not, under any circumstances, forget to eat.  I headed back to the city to spend some time with Laura’s dog, as she was out of town and Gracie needed some attention. 

I managed to crank out a bit of work, catch up with Julie in Colorado, and take out the trash.  I had intended to clean Laura’s house, but I ran out of time.  Too many emails and too much work from Bradley to do on my site.  I’m also having breakfast on Monday with a mom who wants to start a Quickbooks consulting business, so I put together a little questionnaire and Marketing Plan Lite to share with her.  So many people helped me when I started that it’s always nice to return the goodness. 

Late in the evening I saw “Extract” with another friend who has stepped up to the plate and dealt with my drama-filled life with a lot of grace and understanding.  It was funnier than expected, and a little more disturbing than expected as well.  I think movies about weird dysfunctional marriages should not be high on my list right now, but I really didn’t get that as a theme from the previews.  I still had a good time. Jason Bateman was good in it, though if guys really are like the way they are portrayed in the movie, I’ll be jumping the fence and going all-girl. 

In a Twilight-Zone moment, as we left the theatre, we noticed it was ominously quiet. Why? We have no idea.  Normally Short Pump is mobbed with hormonal teens smoking clove cigarettes and loitering.  Not last night. It was dead. Very little traffic, hardly a tween in sight.  Still don’t know what was going on - possibly a black hole that sucked anyone under the age of 16 into it? 

Despite drinking Republic of Tea’s “Surrender to Sleep” tea blend (containing lavender, chamomile, red berries of some kind and a lot of good-smelling other stuff), and not getting much sleep the night before, I still couldn’t sleep.  This insomnia crap is so weird for me. I hate not sleeping and I hate being crazy the day after I don’t sleep.  For now, I guess I’m going to have to accept that I need the help of drugs and take them before I attempt to sleep again.  Last week when I had gone 5 days in a row with less than 4 hours a night, I completely flipped my lid and had a panic attack in the middle of the world’s grossest Food Lion.  Unfortunately the kids were with me and I almost had to have Mike come pick me up because I wasn’t sure I could drive.  I have never had a panic attack before, so I just assumed I was dying.  Nope, not dying, but I sure felt like it. 

This is where putting the kids first comes into play.  No more panic attacks, ever - but if I must, I have to make sure to lose my crap when the kids aren’t around.  I know the warning signs now and I also know that not sleeping for extended periods of time is a major culprit.  If it means raiding Mike’s Valium stash, then so be it. 

I came home this morning and Mike promptly left, so it’s our first weekend of “kid-share”.  So far it’s going okay and the girls seem to be taking it in stride.  The whole idea of surviving another week of going back and forth is overwhelming to me at the moment, so I’m not thinking about it.  For a while I was taking it one day at a time - today, I’m taking it one hour at a time.  If the laundry seems overwhelming, I stop for a bit and do something else.  I have a paid writing gig due in the morning, but can’t even begin to think about writing it, so I’m assuming I will get to it later tonight.  Or very early tomorrow morning. 

I’m mostly grateful that this weekend was as good as it could have been and for the first time in nearly 4 weeks, I didn’t spend it curled up in a ball or playing dead.  That’s progress.  Small progress, but progress nonetheless.