As a mother and a parent, protecting my children is always in the back of my mind - and sometimes in the front.  At strange times, worrying fear will overtake me - like when I signed my approval for Lily to take her first field trip, or another time, when her latest field trip was to a local park.  I thought about all the things that could go wrong, and spent some time with her discussing how important it was to stay close to her teachers, to not speak to strangers, to listen and obey the adults in her group. 

Many times I feel overprotective or paranoid.  I know Mike shares those same thoughts at times (like when I had to force his hand to let Lily swim at her daycare’s pool - he didn’t like the idea of her being in the water if one of us wasn’t there, even though he logically understood that there would be lifeguards and plenty of eyes watching her).  Then we’re confronted with what happened yesterday at Virginia Tech, and it couldn’t be more clear and cutting how very little we can really do to protect our children.  When Columbine happened, I was incredibly distant from the events - at the time, I was in Germany for work.  I remember getting up and heading down to the lobby for breakfast, and seeing something on German television about a school shooting.  My German was decent then, but the newscasters were talking so quickly I could only catch a few words here and there.  I asked one of the hotel employees who was more fluent in English than I was in German to tell me what happened.  I didn’t have children then, and although I felt shock and disbelief, it didn’t hit me the same way any tragedy has since I had our two children.  Until you have children, you can’t imagine the overwhelming fear that someday they will be taken from you.

This time it’s different.  I have my own children, and Virginia Tech is very close to where we live.  Although the feelings of shock and disbelief are the same, soon to be replaced by disgust, sadness, and anger, my feeling of powerlessness is completely different. 

Yes, I can teach the girls not to speak to strangers, to be cautious and suspicious as much as possible without completely ripping their childhood innocence from them.  However, as yesterday has shown, no one can really protect a child to the degree we as parents would like to.  The Tech shootings are affecting me much as the Harvey killings did a couple of years ago.  The sheer randomness - and the brutality of the crime - pulled all comfortable feelings of safety from me.  It also illuminated how powerless we can be to truly keep ourselves or our children safe from harm. 

I know many business colleagues here in Richmond with kids at Tech.  I desperately wanted to call them yesterday, but I was afraid to.  I didn’t want to intrude into something that was already stressful, and I frankly didn’t want to know - at least not yet - if one of their children had gotten caught in the tragedy there.  My need to offer support and concern was overshadowed by my fear of “bothering” them.  Today I sit here watching the live broadcast from Tech on msnbc.com, still wondering how many people I know or know of that will be personally affected by yesterday’s events.  Last night the names and identities began to trickle out, including high school yearbook photos of two Richmond-area Tech students who were wounded yesterday. 

I can see why parents go completely overboard on the overprotective scale.  I also try to balance my need to keep my children safe and close to me with what my dad calls the most important thing parents teach their children:  to be able to exist without them, to be healthy and independent adults.  The realist in me knows that there isn’t anything I can do to keep these bizarre and random acts from touching my life or hurting my children.  The uncontrollable nature of random violence can make me feel like I’m going crazy.  Last night as I cuddled Arden I looked into her eyes and just felt entirely peaceful for one moment that both of my children were home, and for the moment, safe. 

I’ve been surprised and comforted by the number of people out of state who have contacted Jennifer and me.  A number of the manufacturers we work with have sent notes of support and condolence though neither Jennifer or I have been directly affected.  Tech is nearby to Richmond, and a huge number of Richmonders have deep ties with the school.  Feeling like the rest of the world cares is helpful - even when there is nothing anyone can do right now.