As per usual, a bunch of #hashbrownnetworkers and twitter geeks descended on Richmond’s Canal Club to support our very own local burlesque show, Richmond Varietease.  I must say Miss Magnolia was in rare form last night (not that she isn’t always in rare form).  Some highlights of the evening: 

1.  Miss Magnolia’s impression of a skanky woman on Cops with only two pink acrylic fingernails and a baby as a drink coaster.
2.  Miss Magnolia’s reverse motorboat on the back of a friend’s head (sitting right next to me). 
3.  Seeing @rvafashionista pick up an apple on stage with her throat only and win some bubble gum for her trouble. 
4.  Sitting next to Laura, and hearing my favorite quote of the night:  “Holly can spend some money on a go-go dancer.”
5.  Having Miss Dolli show us what an “assle” is while performing to an acoustic odd version of “Baby Got Back”.  Note: it’s not a tassle, but it’s close. 
6.  Miss Magnolia’s “Vigantic - my big big love” song at the end of the show.  Un-freakin’-belieavable. 

In all seriousness, I think one of the main reasons I love the show and burlesque in general is that the idea of “bodily perfection” goes right out the window.  Each of the performers are uber-comfy in their skin (obviously), but it’s really remarkable for someone like me to watch it.  Seriously, it would be hard to imagine myself up there unless I looked like Kate Beckinsale (i.e. no cellulite, body fat, stretch marks, moles, scars, etc).  To watch these women perform with the self-confidence they have, not to mention the joy in doing what they want to be doing, it’s really quite inspiring. 

And yes, go ahead and laugh at me for being inspired by a burlesque show.  That’s fine. I can take it. 

Best of all, a good friend of mine met someone last night and love was in the air.  I hope that love continues to flow his way as he certainly deserves it. 

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For those of you who tweeted at me or sent me emails or posted comments on the blog about the therapy post, a big gooey thank you is being sent your way.  My family cringes when I tell “too much” and I get that.  I’ve been on the other side of the fence where so many women who were braver than me wrote publicly about their struggles. I read those struggles and I related.  Those public admissions of trauma or pain or mistakes helped me get right with my own, so I don’t mind sharing in the hopes that it’s doing it for someone out there too.  It’s pay it forward in reverse I guess. 

To answer the questions I got about the therapy post, yes, it helped.  I got lucky since shopping for a therapist has about the same success rate that shopping for jeans has for me - it usually takes multiple tries and a lot of tears and cursing.  I liked her right off the bat, felt entirely comfortable, and spent the entire hour using up a box of Kleenex and snorting my way through a discussion.  She’s razor sharp and asked questions that cut right to the core of all the questions I don’t want to answer, and I respected her for that.  I respected her for not telling me that everything would be okay, or by diminishing the amount of inner turmoil I’m feeling.  She gave me some very specific recommendations of things I could do right away to a.) sleep at night and b.) feel less awful during the day, so I immediately implemented her ideas and began to feel a little better. 

One of the suggestions she gave was very helpful to me and can be used in a lot of situations, so I’m sharing it with you.  I’m an iPhone geek and it’s rarely out of my reach.  A main problem over the past few months is that I wake up frequently and my brain kicks into overdrive.  At night, the thoughts come fast and furious and they eventually spiral down into some ridiculous future that will never happen but depresses me nonetheless.  She suggested that I put together a playlist of music/sounds that relaxes me and to focus entirely on the music.  Now when I wake up, I reach for my phone, plug in the headphones and force my brain to focus on lyrics and bridges and notes instead of the craziness that is my night brain.  So far, so good.  Eventually I might be sleeping through the night again. 

I’ve got some tough decisions to make in the coming weeks.  Thankfully I am graced with amazing friends who tell me things I don’t want to hear, even though I know they are right.  I am sorting through the advice and trying to decide what the best thing for me is at the moment and for the long-term.  I’m slowly coming to grips with the sacrifices I’ve made in the past, and how they affect me today.  I’m also planning for many more sacrifices in the future, but this time I’m going to be well aware of what I’m doing when I walk through that door.