I love Chantal’s “Bullety” posts, so I’m totally stealing from her. 

• Lovin’ Love and Logic:  Jennifer turned me on to this book.  I’ve made no secret of my struggles with Arden and her willful and strong spirited personality.  I really, really don’t like yelling at either of my kids.  In fact I hate yelling, period, but as Arden has gotten older, I’ve found that my yelling has increased.  Additionally, when Lily picks fights with Arden or vice versa, the more annoying the fight the exponentially louder I yell.  I picked the book up when we were in DC,  and I’m through about 3/4 of it.  I can’t explain it well, but the directions are fairly simple and common-sense.  If your kids feel you are out of control, prepare for the worst.  If they feel you are calm and IN control, they will react accordingly.  The specific techniques seem to work wonders on Arden, at least right now.  They involve playing goofy “choice games” - like, “Would you rather roar like a lion or meow like a cat?” as well as more important choices:  “Do you want to put your coat on now, or see if you get cold and put it on outside?”.  You give them lots of choices you can live with, which makes them think and reason through the answer, and lets them feel like they have some control and independent action. This way, when you do have to lay down the law, they are more pliable.  I’ve also been using the calm “non-sarcastic” approach to problem solving, like today when I picked up Arden at Rainbow and found out she’d been mean to one of her classmates and had refused to speak to any of the teachers.
  
  Turns out her normal teacher is on vacation this week, and I knew she was upset about that, but unable to express it.  She told me she was mean because she didn’t have a nap yesterday, so I told her she’d be taking one today.  This caused a huge meltdown as we walked to the car, complete with some seat kicking.  I never lost my cool or raised my voice.  I simply said, “How sad that you were mean to Cameron today.  I KNOW you are a nice and kind person, but we all have bad days.  Tomorrow will be better, I’m sure, but today, you need to take a rest.”  Eventually she calmed right down and said, “I can’t be good unless Ms. Rey is there. I can’t do it!”  It was pretty awesome, even though it broke my heart to hear her say that.
  
  I also am SO tired of yelling, “QUIT WHINING!!!” all the time.  The book has a great suggestion - when the whining starts, I say “I can’t hear little voices. I can only hear big, grown up voices.”  When she whines, I say, “I can’t hear that little voice - sounds like something squeaking - maybe there’s a bug in the car?”  This sometimes leads to her laughing, or she gets it together and asks me in a mostly-normal voice.
  
  The best part is, since I have a guide to how to handle these situations, I don’t feel out of control and I don’t get frustrated as easily. Sure, it’s embarassing having a screaming 4 year old, but less embarassing than me screaming along with her.
  
  
• Easter:  I forgot to write about it.  We had a great Easter.  Weather was gorgeous, we spent some more time in the yard, and the girls bought some pretty flowers to plant with their new gardening gloves. They loved planting flowers with their grandmother.  Since neither my mom nor I wanted to cook, we had a delicious dinner out at Cheesecake Factory.  It was heavenly and I hope that not cooking becomes our standard Easter routine.  The Easter Bunny, and Easter Grandparents, were both very good to the girls this year.  Watching them egg hunt was hilarious.  Mass chaos.
  
  
• I often forget how rampant eating disorders are.  Once you get into your thirties, it’s not cool at all to have one, even if you aren’t actively participating with the instructions that sick voice in your head gives you.  I had lunch with a friend today, and as we talked about weight gain after childbirth, she mentioned she’d had a bad eating disorder for about 3 years.  She’s one of the luckier ones - she managed to self-heal and hasn’t fallen back into the psycho groove.  I don’t often talk with my friends or acquaintances about it - not because I’m embarassed, but because it doesn’t come up.  However, when I do, about 80% of the time the woman across from me ends up sharing her experience. It’s rare I talk to someone who hasn’t had anything to do with the big, bad, ED.
  
  And by the way, sometimes I think my family wishes I was embarassed, that I didn’t blog about it.  For me, writing about it openly keeps me honest.  I know I’m not the only 37 year old woman who still struggles on a daily basis with the annoying voice and the desire for the quick fix, and most of all, the desire to control the one thing we actually CAN control.  It’s also good for me to note that so many other people with perfectionist tendencies fall into the ED trap.  It’s been said before, but bears repeating:  eating disorders are less about food and more about controlling when we feel the least in control.
  
   
• Weight Watchers Day II is going fine.  I had lunch at Panera, and they offer some really good options.  Yet another reason I love the internet:  online menus.  I planned my meal so I didn’t have to worry when I got there.