*warning - serious post ahead. if you feel like laughing or reading some light-hearted parenting stories, keep moving along, people. nothing here to see.*
It’s been a weird day for me. About an hour ago, I was on top of the world. Right now, I feel like I’m 50 feet below it. Manic anyone?
I had a personal goal on my weight loss journey. I’m officially through the halfway point right now. In fact, I managed to break through the plateau I was firmly sitting on with my ample rump. When I weighed myself today, seeing those beautiful numbers made me so very happy. All the nights I’ve sipped water while Mike toasts up a tasty batch of bagel bites . . . or the times I’ve gotten orange sherbet instead of double chocolate peanut butter chunk ice cream . . .or when I order the heart smart items on the menu when all I really want is a platter of pancakes and fried eggs. It seemed, well, almost worth it.
What amazes me after all these years of dieting, gaining, losing, puking, starving, and taking amphetamines to really put the screws to my metabolism is how much my self-worth is still wrapped up in what other people think. Really? Can I really be 38 and still worrying about whether I am good enough, or need validation from certain people in my life? When will I finally move beyond that?
How is it that a few words can knock me down? That’s a lot of power to turn over to someone, isn’t it?
Here’s the deal. My need for validation is making me a walking target. This means I have to stop talking about my weight loss. I can write about it, but I can’t talk about it. Because I am not strong enough to handle the weird, insensitive, and sometimes, downright mean comments I get from less than a handful of people. Because when 21 pounds lost isn’t something to feel good about, it’s time to reassess how I communicate, and to what I open myself.
I can give negative people a lot of leeway. I can remember how it was they were raised, or what was done to them. I remember that sometimes when you love people, you want them to be the best they can be, and sometimes that need overcomes the need for gentleness and respect in your speech. I can also remind myself that it isn’t wrong of me to want to hear the magic words: “I’m proud of what you’ve accomplished”. I will also fully admit that I am extremely sensitive about my weight. When I was thin, I was sensitive. When I was fat, I was sensitive. Really, you can’t say anything to me other than “I’m proud” without me getting my panties in a twist. That also doesn’t give anyone the right to smack me down or set goals for me.
It is a major feat that at 159 pounds (look world, I admitted it!), I can look at myself in the mirror and begin to like what I see. It doesn’t mean I’m giving up - I have a long way to go. But for me to be able to wear new clothes, walk around, and feel okay is a big freakin’ deal. Even at 98 pounds I couldn’t honestly say that to myself. Remember the burlesque show? Yeah, I actually felt - dare I say it - pretty. It’s been a long time since I felt that way. I plan to keep feeling that way, despite the fact that, Yes, I Know, I Am Not Perfect Yet, But Thanks For Pointing That Out.
No one is ever perfect. Our job should be to be the happiest and healthiest we can be. It shouldn’t matter, but I know it does. And I am so not the person to comment about this. But I wanted to say, that you are awesome and beautiful.
And no one is ever 100% satisfied with them self. Believe me.
I truly *am* proud of what you’ve accomplished.
Wow. You have it. I want it. I need to find that place as well. I am proud of you, not about the whole weight loss thing but for finding that perfect state of mind where you can be comfortable in your skin. Hold on to that and never let some idiot take that away from you. You worked hard for it and you deserve to enjoy it for the rest of your life.
I love you bunches. You are beautiful inside and out. No one will ever change that!
Oh, honey, I feel ya. Been there, done that, lather, rinse, repeat. I salute your honesty, and your attitude. It’s difficult to feel good about yourself when it seems that our entire culture seems committed to embracing anorexics and airheads - often embodied in the same corpus (paging Paris Hilton, meet Lindsay Lohan in the vomitory!).
You’re much prettier than either of them, anyway. So tell everyone to just STFU, right?
I’m so sad that someone had the nerve to say something less than congratulatory about your accomplishments. You’ve overcome a lot and sacrificed pancakes (seriously! and double chocolate peanut butter fudge dip brownie chunk delight ice cream), and it really, really sucks that not everyone realizes how huge that is.
I am uber sensitive about comments too. Compliments can be twisted to become insults, and that’s all I hear. I’m so sorry this happened. Go stand on the scale again and stare at that 159 for a while. You deserve recognition.
You are beautiful, smart and working on be the best you can be. When people are insecure or jealous they can say some pretty hurtful things. I know it’s hard to ignore and not let it bother you.
Trust yourself, be true to yourself and only listen to those that love and appreciate who you are.
I’m proud of you!!!
My sweet friend. True friends want to know what’s going on in your life whether it’s funny or sad. No fair weather friends here. Those people can suck ass - they’re idiots. You are one of the most beautiful people I know - I see you as these wonderful, smart, talented, sensitive, funny people that is always around to give a kudos when I need it. Your actions speak so loudly that I never question your integrity. I am super proud of you - it IS a huge accomplishment and you should be happy. I’d be doing the happy dance when I lose 5 lbs!! And so proud that you are getting much more comfortable inside your own skin. It takes time for some of us to get there sweetie. Remember it’s the journey that matters not the destination. I have had loads of respect for you all these months with your exercising while I sit around like a sloth. Going to the WW meetings is super uplifting and helps a lot for the reinforcement we all need.
Thank you so much for your honesty - you have helped other women today my friend. (((hugs)))
You know how proud I am of you. And I also know how proud you are of yourself. That’s what matters most, what YOU think. You look and feel pretty damn good, right? Right. Remember that feeling the next time someone opens their mouth and spews forth unnecessary commentary. They are not you. They don’t know what it feels like to be you.
21 lbs is an awesome accomplishment no matter where you started or what your goal is. I am proud of you!
I could write a book in response to this post, but I’ll try to be brief. I am sort of the opposite of sensitive at this point in my life—I grew up with a physical trait that made me THE girl that everyone made fun of. Because of that I developed a very hard shell and a very “screw you if you don’t think i’m awesome” attitude just to survive emotionally, and unfortunately I’ve found that my own defense mechanism has sometimes made me insensitive to how other people handle things. Unfortunately I’ve said a thing or two to a very sensitive friend that I realized hurt her badly, but I never could have corrected that behavior if I didn’t know I had done it.
So anyway, what I’m trying to say is, people can be real assholes, but I’m a big believer in making sure they KNOW they’ve hurt you, at least the first time, just in case they aren’t aware that they’ve said or done something that affected you so negatively. After you let them know, though, if they do it again, well, at that point I’m a big believer in gently moving that person out of your life and replacing him or her with someone who feels as good about your accomplishments as you do.
YOU ARE AWESOME.
Thank you.
I’m sorry Cristina that someone felt obliged to cut you down (I can guess who and I want to bitch slap her right now). You are so amazing, so smart, so funny, so kind and so BEAUTIFUL. You deserve nothing but compliments. I’m proud of you just for being you, day in and day out. Let the insults fall away and keep the love of all your friends at heart, because that is what you deserve.
And before I forget… 21 FREAKIN’ POUNDS?! THAT’S AWESOME, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
I can’t remember how I recently came about your blog, but from the couple posts I’ve read, it sounds like we have much in common.
Congratulations on your weight loss. Be proud of what you have accomplished & let that feeling of triumph see you through to the rest of your goal.
I never realized how much I identified myself as a “thin person” (at 125ish pounds), even though I always felt fat or belittled myself for not having an ideal figure. And then I got pregnant and gained a 60 pounds. Yes, 60 pounds. My daughter is 14 months old now, and I’m still carrying an extra 20 pounds. (Not that I actually did anything to help lose the weight, but I’m now exercising, taking the stairs instead of the elevator, etc)
A few weeks ago, after I had tried on every pre-pregnancy dress in my closet for a wedding we were attending, and none of them came even remotely close to fitting, I normally would have freaked out. Instead, I took the opportunity (and the few extra dollars in our checking account) to buy a new dress. Now, you have to understand, I live in a small town where shopping is VERY limited. We’re talking no chain stores, no Gap, no JCrew, no nothing, so the prospect of finding a dress just hours before the wedding felt like an impossible task.
I wound up finding a super-cute, almost a 1920’s style dress, which was flouncy enough to not show my extra bulges & rolls. As I was getting ready for the wedding, I had a total epiphany: I could still look good without looking how I wanted to look, or felt I should look. That night I got so many complements on my dress, including one from a gal who is always dressed perfectly for any event, and that was a total confidence booster for me.
Do I still want to lose my last 20 pounds? Hell yeah! But, in the meantime, I am trying to be less critical of my physical appearance & to focus on the steps I HAVE taken to get back into shape. I have fell short of my ultimate goal of losing the baby weight by her first birthday, and then my secondary goal of losing the weight before vacation at the end of this month. For me, it’s been about adjusting my attitude, and I dare say, I’m growing as a person. I don’t know if I’ll ever be where I want to be, either emotionally or physically, but it’s all about the journey, right?
Good luck as you continue on yours ~
Tracy
You know what’s funny? There could be 100 comments on here about how absolutely fantastic you are, how proud we all are of you and you will still remember the ONE that was critical. I know that I would too. I think that sometimes it is easier to believe the “bad” stuff about ourselves than it is to believe the good stuff. We give some people too much power, so when they criticize, it cuts us deeper. I think it is time we both cut those ties of power and move on.
I heart you much!
Hmph. Look who’s late to the par-tay. That would be me. I see that all of my super smart friends already said everything that I would say and more, so I’ll just add that I’m jealous of your accomplishments, my friend. I really am. It’s hard damn work losing the L.B.s, and you have worked your ass off quite literallly. 21 lbs lost is something many people try for and never accomplish.
I heart you in a big way, and I would have loved to have been first in line to tell you that I’m freakin’ proud of you, Homes. But I’ll settle for #26 or wherever I fall in this list of friendly, heartfelt comments. You deserve each and every one of ‘em.
Cristina you are truly beautiful and you should be proud of what you’ve accomplished. We are! The negative comments always seem to make the deepest impression, but hopefully all these great comments will lift your spirits and remind you of how wonderful you are and how much you’ve already achieved. Love ya!!
I just want to say that I think you look terrific and 21 pounds is an amazing accomplishment. Also, if I ever say anything that doesn’t come out right, tell me right then and there so that I never do it again…
I’m also a little sad and maybe even a little angry that someone would dare to criticize you when you’ve made so much progress. I’m not afraid to tell you that truly I’m proud of you. And totally jealous that you’ve lost all that weight!
way to go! i am definitely proud of you! can’t wait to hang out again!
CDB- You are one of the hottest women I know and you are always - no matter what the scales say. I’ve seen you through the whole gamut of sizes and every time I see you I think, “damn, she is hot.” Seriously.
I am proud of you. Not for losing weight because I couldn’t give a shit what you weigh, but for doing something that is important to you. You’re sticking to YOUR goals and doing what makes YOU happy.
And for the critics you meet along the way? I’ve always found that feeling a bit of pity for them goes a long way. A quick, mental “damn, it must really suck to be such an ass and be hated by so many” can bring a smile to your face and a spring to your step.
Keep on keeping’ on, babe. And remember, the opinions that count are all in your head.