Silence in the house - my parental units are out cruising around Chesterfield county and Lily is sleeping. While on the phone with my sister, Lily decided to attack me - which means crawling all over me and alternately licking and biting me. It was interesting trying to hold a conversation while Lily teethed on my arm. I was telling Risa about Beth’s surgery and I think we are all relieved that it isn’t cancer, and also that no doctor will tell her she’s a hypochondriac or that it’s all in her head anymore. I think lately doctors who can’t figure out your problems within the 15 minute window they have with you just chalk it up to insanity and prescribe Prozac. Okay, maybe that’s a bit extreme, but many people I know have been told that their illness is non-existant when it obviously isn’t.

Anyway, Beth is fine and recovering from her surgery, Risa was sipping an extra-hot skim latte, reading the paper and waiting for yoga class in Southlake, TX and I am sitting here taking a break from work and wondering if I should be taking a shower instead of working on Lily’s stuff. Or working on client deadlines. I’ve been billing like a fiend lately - now I just have to get paid.

Lily’s learning to eat chunky food now, which is great - maybe soon I won’t have to purchase baby food anymore. That stuff is expensive! Some fund manager should come up with a mutual fund of diaper companies, baby food manufacturers, diaper wipes, teething ring manufacturers and burp clothes. We’d all be millionaires.

Interesting. Today was my first day as “white trash mama”. I hate going to Walmart, but you know, you can’t beat the prices. Lily was in fine and rare form today - she had a temper tantrum the minute I put her in the cart. So I dragged her around the store, sweating and panting because it’s so hot in there and she’s so heavy. I finally got her into the cart (mom distracted her) and then she saw the keys - the car keys. She had to have them. I took them away, she screamed, kicked, and turned red. It’s that terrible “silent scream” - you know it’s going to be bad when all you see is the open mouth and the beet-red cheeks. I finally gave in and let her suck on the keys. She smelled like a big piece of metal by the time all was said and done. She had another temper tantrum in the line to check out. Time slows down when your kid is screaming - everyone starts moving in slow motion for some reason. And staring, too. All I needed to fit in with the Walmart crowd was some holes in my sweatpants and a threat to abuse the child (“I’m gonna whup yer butt if you don’t shut your cakehole right now!”) and a pudding-smeared child from lunch. It’s days like this where I feel so ultra-glamorous it’s not even funny. No makeup, at least I’m showered, hair half done, whatever was on the floor is now on my body - yes, being a mommy sure makes you feel sexy.

By the way, I added some new links to the site. Most of these are friends of mine (with the exception of Google News). Go to their sites and buy stuff. They’re good people.

Mike worked like a maniac today in the yard while Lily recovered from waking up during the night. Mike and I had some bizarre “sleeptalking” episode last night - he was talking in his sleep and I was answering him in my sleep, and woke half way through it and said, “WHAT? What are you talking about?” He just grunted and went back to sleep. I wish I could remember what he said, but I can’t. Who knows what I said back to him, either.

I went through all of Lily’s clothes today, reminiscing about where that spit-up stain came from, and remembering the time I gave her prunes instead of plums (geez, they both started with “p” - who would know) and she blew out a diaper and an entire outfit, and her Uncle Jay’s shirt. He just stood outside on the deck yelling “HELP!” in the most pitiful voice. Those shorts were retired today with just the faintest hint of the Great Prune Explosion of 2003. (Note to breastfeeding mothers: NEVER give your child prunes. THEY DO NOT NEED ANY HELP WHATSOEVER WITH REGULARITY!!!) Those damn prunes should have come with a warning label. Oh well. Live and learn.

It was kind of sad to retire her swing, and see a gigantic garbage bag full of enough outgrown clothes to outfit an entire third world nation. Made me feel guilty and lucky all at the same time. Note to all my girlfriends out here: Hurry up and reproduce so I can see Lily’s cute clothes on someone else. Oh yeah, and don’t have a boy, either, cuz I can’t help you with clothes for that one. Along with the bag full of clothes, I retired the boppy pillow, her lamaze mat, and a faux Kate Spade diaper bag that is missing the faux Kate Spade tag - which basically means it’s just a big, black bag with some newborn diapers still in it. Mike’s got to crawl into the attic at some point this week so we can walk through the hallway.

We saw American Wedding last night - we were supposed to go to Seabiscuit but we cut it too close and of course it was sold out. I laughed just because Mike was laughing, and to hear him guffaw in a movie theatre is something that must be experienced to be understood. He took me to a movie early on in our relationship and since I continued to date him after hearing him bust a gut laughing, he figured he’d marry me. He’s the guy you don’t want in back of you at a funny movie, but I love it and it makes me giggle.

Ahhhh, Saturday. We were up a lot last night because of strong thunderstorms, but Ms. Lily slept right through it, and didn’t make any noise until we went in to her room at 7.45 AM!!! Amazing. I actually feel sort of rested. It’s an unusual sensation lately. We took Lily out for breakfast this morning and headed out to Babies R Us - what a racket that store is, but they have so much cool stuff. I ended up with mostly useful things and one devil-horns headband with red fluffy feathers. It will be cute at Halloween, but appropriate all year round. I also caved to social pressure and bought her a pair of purple corduroy “Keds” - hello, she doesn’t walk! But they do look exceptionally fashionable on her. Even Mike couldn’t resist. After morning nap we headed to Lowe’s and $100 later we were out of there, sweating and loaded ornamental grasses, 4 boxwoods, 2 butterfly bushes, two toilet seats, one outdoor light and 2 indoor lights. We went there for a halogen bulb. Notice that was not listed. Typical Lowe’s trip.

Lily can now ride in the cart and entertains herself by playing with her toes and playing peek-a-boo with various strangers and sometimes her parents. Doesn’t bother me - as long as she’s happy and smiling. We got her home, fed her, and she is sleeping now. Mom and I drooled over furniture we can’t buy at American Signature and returned to find both of our husbands sweating and toiling in the backyard, planting all the crap we bought at Lowe’s.

Tonight is date-night - we’re going to Seabiscuit. A night movie! Amazing. I’m not sure either of us will be able to stay up until 10, but we’ll give it our best shot.

I sent Lily off for her last day of care with Pauline. This morning the beast woke me at 5 AM by banging her pacifier against the outside of the monitor and making strange grunting sounds. I finally got her and fed her, and thankfully, she went back to sleep. HOWEVER - no one ever tells you that babies snore louder than adults. I swear it sounded like she was operating a chainsaw next to my ear. Needless to say I’m groggy this morning. Thank goodness she looks so sweet when she’s sleeping, or I’d really be annoyed.

I’m bad - I had a meeting today at 10.30 scheduled with a prospective client, and I just had this horrible feeling about the guy. I’ve talked to him twice on the phone and he was such an arrogant jerk, I just couldn’t bring myself to go. I used Laura’s favorite phrase when cancelling with him: “I just don’t think my services are a good fit with what you are looking for.” In other words, go find some other marketing weenie to abuse. I feel much more relieved now. Why do people call you, and then spend their time telling you how much they know about what you do, and how great they are, and how they are the gurus of the marketing universe? If that’s true, why would someone like that need me??? Go figure. Richmond is very small, and word gets around quickly, so I have to make sure I am politically correect and not burning any bridges, when my personality is more likely than not to be direct and say “I don’t like you, and the reason I quit working in the corporate world was so that I didn’t have to deal with people like YOU.” Being able to think it, if not say it, makes all those months when my clients aren’t paying on time well worth it. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh.

Last night Mike and I did “Power Yoga” instead of kicking the air and sweating and grunting. It’s still really hard. I was sweating like a pig and panting; nothing like the yoga people who “feel the effects” of whatever pose they’re in. I feel the effects of my out-of-shape body, that’s what I feel. They are all breathing quietly and prettily and Mike and I are huffing, groaning, cracking our bones, and burping a lot. What a nice picture that is. Yoga squeezes all of your internal organs. I remember the days of working out at the gym where looking into the mirror as I aerobicized didn’t give me nightmares. Thank goodness there are no mirrors near the VCR. My favorite part of any yoga class is the end, where you do deep relaxation, and sprawl in corpse pose and think about nothing. I went downstairs to do something and came back and Mike was still “corpse-ing” - I think he’d fallen asleep.

Mom and dad are watching Lily Saturday and I’m going to my first evening movie since she was born. I’m very excited. Mom keeps asking me what we’re going to see - I have no idea, and I don’t even care!!! Just getting out in a theatre is thrill enough for me.