We were unable to attend new parent orientation at Lily and Arden’s preschool last week due to Lois’ graduation, so I had a “makeup” day for Arden this afternoon at 4.30.  The idea is that you allow your child to explore their new room and teachers before dropping them off into a vat of unfamiliarity on September 5th.  I dutifully left work at 10 to 4, hauled over to Judi’s, and picked up Arden.  When I pulled up to the preschool, I immediately knew something was not right.  Could it have been the babies, being wheeled across the parking lot in their cribs?  Or the three fire trucks? One of those subtle signs tipped me off that things were amiss.  I asked what was going on, and Ms. Joyce told me that something had burned in the oven of dining car and everyone was evacuated until the fire department could clear the building.

I dragged Arden through the back until I spotted her future classmates. Unfortunately, Lily also spotted me - they were all lined up against the fence looking discombobulated and a little nervous.  It was close to 92 degrees out and humid, of course (I’m surprised we don’t all have mold growing on our bodies from living in this greenhouse called Richmond).  I decided that I was already there and how long could it take, really, before they’d let us all back into the building? 

Arden played on the playground and dug in the sandbox, and 40 minutes later, I’d burned through her patience, Lily’s tolerance of me “ignoring” her (because I had to keep a close watch on Arden), and my Sure deodorant.  The all-school picnic and art show was tonight at the preschool, and Lily realized that we weren’t going.  The truth as to why we didn’t go:  Mike took one look at the ticket prices for a family, uttered some choice cuss words, and said “no”.  I kind of agreed, though I’m much more apt to be shamed into doing things because it seems like the right thing to do.  Lily figured out that we weren’t going, but most of her class was, and she completely lost it.  “I WANT TO STAY WITH MY FRIENDS!  WHY AREN’T WE GOING TO DA PICANIK???”  Great.  The whole school population was staring at me, dragging both children behind me, like I had active leprosy.  I wanted to yell, “It’s MIKE’S FAULT, DAMMIT!  I would totally be here with my Ukrops packaged dessert in hand!” 

The long and short of it was that I left work an hour early, spent an hour on a steamy playground, pissed off both of my children, didn’t “facilitate acclimation” for Arden to the red room, and blew off a big warm fuzzy family evening at my children’s school.  Fabulous.

Mike and I had previously agreed that I would go to Wal-Mart as soon as he got home so I could stock up on groceries and prepare for a housewarming/wine tasting we are having Thursday.  Since it was already 5.25 and I was right near his office (which, by the way, is right near Wal-Mart), I called him, thinking I’d drop the girls off and head straight to the store.  I got him on the phone and told him all about the excitement, and then suggested I drop the girls off.  “No,” he said, quite firmly.  “No?”  I said, quite irritated.  “Just go home so I can come home at my normal time. It’s only 5.25 and I’ll just meet you there.”

“Normal” time for Mike to be home is around 6 ish.  He normally leaves work around 5.45.  So what I was asking was, “Can I drop the girls off 15-20 minutes earlier than usual so I can just go to Hell-Mart, get it over with, then drink heavily and slash my wrists from an entirely unproductive afternoon?”  He knew exactly what I was saying, but he wanted that extra time to get work done.  While I admire him for his dedication and unflinching love affair with the billable hour, I was also super PO’d because I hadn’t just WASTED 15 minutes; I’d wasted nearly TWO HOURS.  Yep, I was steaming. 

Lily then pelted me with questions the whole way home.  “Mommy, are you buying a red cake for grampa?”  (his birthday is tomorrow). And “Mommy, will grampa be 4 tomorrow?”  And, “Why can’t you bake a red cake for grampa, Mommy?” And, “Why are you honking your horn at that man, Mommy?”  I’m surprised she didn’t say, “Mommy, why are you pointing your middle finger at that woman there?  And what’s an asswipe, Mommy?” 

Ah well, tomorrow’s another day.  The Zoloft is kicking in and the bedroom is painted.  Much as I gripe about Mikey and his co-dependent relationship with his career (I have one as well), he’s a good boy.  Who the hell else would paint 3 nights in a row until 10 pm?  And who else would let his wife paint their bedroom . . . .drumroll please . . . . LAVENDER?

Lily and her boyfriend, we’ll call him #1, usually hang out together during the day.  When he isn’t in school, she misses him, and consoles herself by hanging out with random other friends.  When he is in school, they’re like a little clique and no one can get between them.  Today was the first day of Water Play - basically what her daycare does for water fun without a pool.  They get to wear bathing suits to school and play with buckets of water and get nice and wet.  Lily’s note from Mrs. Bryce today said, “Lily and #1 had a lot of fun playing in the water today. They got a little chilly, and warmed themselves up by dancing around and hugging each other a lot.”  Awwww.  She’s got good taste - #1 is really cute. 

Dateline:  Tuesday, April 4th, 9.05 AM
Reporter:  Jennifer Lynn Yeager

I was informed this morning by Jennifer that Arden is a bad girl.  Cute, but bad.  When Jennifer dropped Sophia off this morning at Judi’s, she put her in the exersaucer so she could give Judi the low-down on the house of stomach viruses.  Arden delightedly walked over to Sophia, sneezed DIRECTLY into her face, giggled, and ran away.  Ugh!  I had to reassure Jennifer that Arden has allergies, like her mother - but still, how gross!  She did it to me last night at Cavanna.  I was standing with two big bags of food and Arden in the other arm when she looked at me with a loving expression.  As I leaned in for a kiss, she let loose a huge sneeze. I was sprayed with slobber.  Everyone behind me in line either gasped with horror or laughed with delight.  I guess you’re never too young to learn to COVER YOUR MOUTH!!!

Jennifer was also really annoyed (she used another word, but I’ll keep it clean) that the reason Sophia along with the rest of the Yeagers got so sick was from another family who use Judi for daycare.  Their child was throwing up, but they said it was just because he was carsick.  They took him to Judi’s and then stayed home because THEY felt sick to their stomachs!!! They obviously knew he was sick. Judi let them have it full force.  One thing I love about Judi - she doesn’t mince words and she tells it like it is.  She told them that they had gotten Sophia sick - the one child in there other than Arden that can’t afford to lose any weight - and she then infected her entire family, as well as losing weight.  I can totally relate to Jennifer’s frustration in that sense.  Every pound I’m able to get on Lily and Arden takes a lot of work.  When they lose 1 or 2 pounds due to illness, it’s devastating - it takes a long time to get back to where they were.  So I’m glad Judi told them off.  Perhaps they’ll think twice about sending a kid in sick again.  One of things I like about Judi’s is that because it’s so small, you can’t hide a sick child from everyone else.  In big daycare settings you can dope up your kid on Tylenol and pretend you didn’t know they had a fever.  At Judi’s, you can’t get away with it . . . and because of that, other than mild colds, there is very little sickness that goes around there. 

I picked up a smiling Arden from Judi today - she was fairly well-rested, happy and had some food in her belly.  I enjoyed a relatively peaceful ride to preschool. Arden did a lot of babbling back and forth.  She likes it when I imitate the sounds she makes.  The drivers around me look at me like I’ve lost it, but it’s fun for her (and for me, I admit).  We walked into school and I greeted Lily, who was trying to tell me that her “boyfriend” (named #1 for protective purposes) had gotten in trouble TWICE today (at this she dramatically holds up two fingers).  Ms. Bryce was not amused and tried to explain to Lily that we don’t talk about other people’s days - only our own, and that she would be the one to talk to #1’s parents, not her.  Try explaining tattle-tale to Lily.  It’s interesting.  I asked her to put on her jacket - she refused. In retrospect, I think the reason this might have happened was that she doesn’t like to be corrected, especially by her teachers - and she was sulking.  I didn’t really notice.  I asked her again to put her jacket on - she said no again and walked away from me.  I asked her a third time. By now, all of the teachers were looking at her and telling her, “Lily, listen to your mother - we don’t say no to adults like that.”  She pushed her bottom lip out and decided she was really going to put up a stink.

I put Arden on the ground and hoped for the best with her (half the time that Lily acts up at school, I have to put Arden down, just to see her get knocked over by some rambunctious classmate of Lily’s).  I grabbed Lily’s coat and began stuffing her arms into it.  That was all it took.  Full-blown temper tantrum with random punctuating screams of “I WANNA PUT MY JACKET ON MYSELF!  I WANNA DO IT MYSELF!” began.  I grabbed her hands and picked up Arden and dragged them both towards the front door.  Lily’s screams got louder and she decided to sit down.  I had already decided that the next time she tries the sit and scream tactic on me, I would drag her.  She doesn’t like it, so I figured it would get her walking again.  For once, I was right - it worked and she walked.  I took several deep breaths and got them both into the car. 

Arden was staring at Lily like she was an alien life form.  I think she was actually amused by it, but I was afraid to look her in the eye for fear we’d both start laughing at her, which would only have made things worse.  After belting both girls in, Lily really lost it.  She started kicked the car door and passenger seat as hard as possible.  She knows this is a huge pet peeve of mine - I’m always telling her to keep her feet off the seat.  She was kicking so hard, her shoes came flying off and one nearly hit me in the head.  While driving (I know, safety first in the Del Bueno household), I reached over and moved the passenger seat as far forward as it would go.  She continued to kick, flail and scream.  I actually did giggle because when she’s mad like that, she sounds exactly like a gremlin.  Her voice gets really hoarse and growly - kind of like the freaky kid in the Shining when he’s doing his “REDRUM! REDRUM!” voice. 

At home, I took Arden out, unloaded the car, got the mail, and let Lily stew in her juices in the car seat.  I unbuckled her and the tantrum continued inside.  I had a mini-tantrum of my own when I realized she had peed in her pants between school and home.  I changed her into dry clothes, while she kicked and screamed and told me she wanted to put her own pants on.  At one point I may have said, “When you can go to the bathroom by yourself, I’ll let you change yourself!!!” 

30 minutes later and many trips to the naughty step, she calmed down and hugged me and told me she was sorry.  Then she asked me to let her watch a movie.  I pretended I was being videotaped by the Super Nanny and informed her that her behavior did not warrant a movie.  Tantrum #36 began and ended shortly before Mike arrived home. For the rest of the evening, she was helpful, cooperative, and even played a little bit with Arden, who watched the whole thing unfold quietly.  She even told Mike that her “attitude was improved”. 

During our cuddle-time, Lily told Daddy to stay - just like one would to a dog.  To ensure he did stay, she draped her arm over his back while hugging me with the other one.  She then gave him a “booger kiss”.  I asked her to explain. She told me that a booger kiss is what happens when you smooch with a runny nose.  Oh, okay.  We both got booger kisses and were dismissed.  I still love her but nights like tonight it’s really a trial, and I know I am being paid back tenfold for the public tantrums I used to have with my mother.  In fact, one of my first childhood memories is of kicking the crap out of my bedroom wall - I had really funky circus wallpaer and I distinctly remember kicking it as hard as I could with my Stride Rite Mary Janes, and the satisfaction (and fear) of seeing the marks my shoes left.  Sigh.  Why did I have to be so bad? 

I think the parents (and staff) must think I’m insane.  Yesterday Arden had pooped in her pants and it shot up her back.  Judi didn’t have a change of clothes for her, and it was 85 degrees, so she decided to let Arden run around shoeless, sockless, and shirtless.  Her pants stayed on as they were clean.  I had to take her into preschool with me to pick up Lily. You should have seen some of the looks I received when I walked into school carrying a half naked baby who kept patting her belly and screeching loudly with delight.  Welcome to my Wal-Mart universe, people. 

I found out today that Alexis is pregnant with child #2.  She’s due in September.  Congratulations, Alexis!  Welcome to the jungle!  I think hers will be about 2 years apart as well.  It is a lot of fun - especially now that our two are beginning to actually play together.  Alexis and her mother are a financial advisory team at SmithBarney and they are awesome.  We love them personally and professionally. 

I’m signing off for tonight.  I’ll update tomorrow after we meet with builder #2 tomorrow.

I just got an e-mail from Judi with an Arden newsflash - see below.

“Halley just walked for the first time . Arden saw her, smiled at her and got up and started walking too. It’s the first time Arden walked today. Now she won’t stop.”

Halley is the child half Arden’s age (no, I’m not bitter). Anyway, whatever it takes. Apparently peer pressure works better than anything we can do!