I’ve talked about Alicia before - a friend I originally met back when my kids were still itty bitty on the internet, in a mom’s group web forum that is now defunct after being swallowed whole by CafeMom.  Since then, we’ve stayed in touch through various other forums - most recently on Facebook, and I’ve met her and her family a couple of times now. 

We started our weight-loss mission at the same time.  I hit maximum density around the time she did, so we both signed up for weight watchers and did what we knew how to do best:  set up a support forum online for us to share our struggles and wins, post our goals and our progress, and generally have fun on the ride. 

You can see (and read) about Alicia’s results here . . . her before and after pics are amazing.  I figured I’d do the same, but I was so camera shy before that there are very few pictures of me at my heaviest.  I’m still not all that great about having my picture taken, but I’m getting better. 

I’m one of those annoying people who gained weight while training for the three half marathons I did.  I was so busy training and feeling so cocky about the calories I was burning that I’m actually up 10 pounds from my lowest weight.  Time to take that off, plus another 15 or 20 for good measure.  So it’s back to:  “if you bite it, write it” - the good old Weight Watcher’s mantra about tracking your food.  And I’m relying heavily on my newest forum for recipes and advice.  Some of my good friends are in the group as well as new people I didn’t know, and so far it’s been great having the gang mentality. 

(note:  I shouldn’t have to explain how hard it is posting fat pictures of myself, but I’m gonna anyway.  This is REALLY hard.)

Before: 

Vegas 2008, sitting next to one of my most beautiful (inside and out) (and tiny tiny tiny) friends Cathy . . .

Richmond 2009, with Annita:

After:

Last summer, with Trevor, Dan and Nicole:

With one of my besties, John - November 2010 at the Turkey Trot:

Yep, working already.  The fat pictures are motivating me.  Off to the bus stop followed by a run. 

One of my besties has a great post up on his blog today called “The Countdown”.  It inspired me to steal his idea and write my own version. 

In case you are too lazy to read Stanley’s post, here’s the synopsis: 

It’s only November and the countdowns have already started: Thanksgiving, Christmas, Kwanza, New Year’s Eve, and the list goes on. Yet, these countdowns refer (more often than not) to how much time remains for you to accomplish your to-do list, instead of when you’ll celebrate the holiday; thus it begs the question, what do you need to accomplish before 2010 is over?

It’s probably no surprise that 2010 was a year of highs and very low lows.  My marriage imploded, the house was put on the market and finally sold amidst tons of drama and last minute financial wrangling, I moved into a very old rental house that was 2/3 smaller than the original house, my kids started a new school, i had some health issues and my kids have both been struggling in their own unique ways.  On the upside, I’m mentally stronger and healthier than I’ve ever been, mostly I’m doing fine, my businesses have survived yet another year in a crappy economy, I have some amazing friends and family, and my health issues are under control. 

This all begs the question: what do I need to finish up before 2011 begins?

First, I want to finish the half marathon.  Not only do I want to finish it, I want to enjoy it.  Before the end of the year, I will have completed:
- my first training program
- my first 10K
- my second training program for the summer
- my third training program for the half marathon
- the Run Like A Girl 8k in Richmond
- the half marathon on November 13
- the 10k Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving morning
- The Christmas Tree 10K on December 11
- The Resolution 4 Miler Run on New Year’s Eve

I write this all down because I really want to commit to doing them all.  For a girl who had never run, I’m excited and motivated to stay in the shape I’m in and improve. 

Secondly,  I really, really want to improve the quality of my children’s lives. I have no idea how I’m going to do this but they have been through so much change this year.  Before the end of the year I’d like to have a better visitation schedule hammered out between me and Mike.  I’d like to ensure that it injects the minimum amount of chaos into their lives and I’d like to see both them acting more like their happy, carefree selves.  Seeing Lily a bit withdrawn and Arden doubly full of piss and vinegar is not only making their lives more difficult, it’s preventing them from accepting and moving on from all the change in 2010. 

Third, I’d like to have better communication with Mike.  This is mostly up to him.  I’d like to work on talking (not texting or emailing) more regularly so that we are communicating about the girls and what we notice or what is happening - not just the bad stuff or when one of them is sick or needs help with a school project.  I think that the disconnect between us is making things harder on the girls.  We don’t have a lot of continuity or agreement on how we discipline/reward the kids because neither of us knows what the other is doing.  Additionally I’ve been reluctant to share my struggles with him because I don’t want him thinking I suck as a mother more than he may already.  I have to get over this.  I’m hoping he can get over the very difficult task (no sarcasm here, I know how hard it is for him) of being in the same room with me or talking for more than 30 seconds to me.  Seeing him recoil from me or look like he’d rather be having a Brazilian wax is very painful - for both of us - and probably not very productive for the kids.

Fourth, I wrote a novel last November.  It’s disjointed but you know what?  It’s pretty decent.  I’d really like to finish rereading it - and maybe get another 1/3 of the way through editing it.  Instead of wasting my limited free time on Facebook, I could be working on that instead. 

Fifth, I want to make a firm decision on a couple of business questions. I am seriously considering closing one of my websites.  I’ve got some financial/analysis-minded friends looking at it and I will make up my mind before December 31 unless they tell me not to.

Sixth, I want to lose another 10 pounds before December 31.  My weight loss stalled during the training program - I’ve been reassured that this is normal, but I don’t like it.  I will say that my rear end is extremely muscular now and my body shape has definitely changed for the better, but I’d still really enjoy seeing the scale move in a downward direction. 

So what about you?  What’s on your list?  What are you proud of - and what do you want to change or improve? 

Why is it that I’m not one of those women who, when depressed/stressed, stop eating?  They become thin, shivering in an early morning breeze.  Instead, I gain 5 pounds over the last month and sweat before I’m even out of bed. 

I run 3-4 times a week, and work out 2-3 more times a week.  This means I’ve fallen a little bit off the WW wagon, but I know how to get back on.  I just get frustrated at times - compared to the way I used to eat, this is nothing!  I hate that it is so difficult to lose weight.  I will say that at least, under my fat, I’m very muscular and stronger than I’ve ever been.  So even if I look like a pack mule, I can also haul food and water like a pack mule.  Considering I’m moving, that may come in handy. 

In the meantime, I’m on a sugar, latte and everything tasty fast.  According to today’s People online, Gwyneth Paltrow got in great shape drinking Kale juice.  The mere thought of that makes me gag, but whatever works. 

My online support group does weigh-ins on Friday.  The past few weeks on WW have been hard.  I’ve been tired, hungry, and slightly demotivated.  I hit a plateau in my workouts and couldn’t push through them and my schedule has been all screwed up with the girls being out of camp/preschool.  But today, I got a new motivation.  I am literally 1 pound away from hitting 30 pounds lost. 

School starts next week (for Lily - still one more week to go with Arden).  I can go back to my morning workouts without inconveniencing Mike or traumatizing the girls by “forcing them” to play at the Y in the afternoon. 

After doing a bit of self-analysis, I have a feeling that losing it is, relatively speaking, the easy part.  Living this way for the rest of my life might be just a tad bit more challenging.  I’m putting my 12-step hat on and taking it one day at a time. 

On another note, Lily and I went to her 1st grade open house yesterday.  She was dreading it, primarily because she loves her babysitter and didn’t want to waste precious time with silly things like school and meeting her new teacher and seeing her desk.  She was really shy and hid behind me most of the time.  We visited Mrs. Daniels, and she finally came out of her shell a bit to hug her.  Her new teacher seems great and she has a “big girl” desk (last year they sat at tables of four).  I for one am totally ready for school to start!  Can I get a hurray? 

Today is my weigh-in day.  I lost 2.5 pounds this week.  However, last week I GAINED a pound.  I got a stern message from Weight Watchers telling me I’m losing too much weight too quickly, and I need to slow down.  I just think it’s funny that it doesn’t humiliate and shame me when I gain, but when I lose “too much” I get my knuckles rapped.  I’ll gladly take the knuckle-rapping as opposed to the “Oh, you seem to have gained this week.  Just keep doing what you’re doing!” messages. 

Total weight loss:  22.5 pounds. 

I’m not going to meet my goal of 30 pounds lost before I head to Traverse City, but I came close enough. 

Speaking of, a week from yesterday I’ll be there.  I’m starting to freak out. I’m really, really excited to see Tricia, Julie, Allison, Pat, and a few others, but I’m also knotted up with anxiety about it.  I assume this is all normal stuff.  Honestly, the thing I worry the most about is that being in my home town will bring back a rush of really bad or painful memories.  I’m hoping to be pleasantly surprised by making new, happier memories there.  I haven’t even asked Tricia if she has wireless at home so there’s a chance I may not even be online, which actually sounds like a real vacation.  No kids, no internet, no responsibilities?  Yeah, vacation.

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Thora is settling in.  Since the Great Carpet Ripping of 2009, she’s been fine. The SPCA loaned us an airline crate. She hasn’t been able to jailbreak out of it yet, and she hasn’t hurt herself either.  She is still velcro dog but I successfully went to the bathroom without her glued to my side yesterday, and one other time I left the room and she stayed sleeping on the floor in the other room.  Baby steps . . .

A few people have commented on how quickly we adopted Thora.  It was pretty quick.  However, I think it’s been the best decision for our family.  Lily and Arden were struggling with the loss of Delilah, and I couldn’t stand the silence of the house.  Having Thora has been very therapeutic, but none of us are over Delilah’s loss.  When I got a river stone memorial from my sister yesterday, I broke into tears in the parking lot of the Little Gym.  I’m sure picking up her ashes will yield the same result.  It’s been truly wonderful watching Arden fall in love with her “new doggie” and watching Lily attempt to walk a dog that outweighs her by 30 pounds.  We all still miss Delilah. Thora is just making the ache a little smaller.