I’m participating in a little contest over at Maya’s Mom.  *The crazy acronym you can’t pronounce above stands for Maya’s Mom Featured Journal Topic Week. We basically will be writing one post a day for one week, based on their Featured Journal topic.  Today’s topic:

I’d Rather Be . . .

I’d rather be in the Coca-Cola commercial where everyone is holding hands and singing, “I’d like to buy the world a Coke.”  I’d like to be living harmoniously with myself and others.  Unfortunately, that is not happening these days.  Drama, Drama, everywhere!  I could use a break. 

Speaking of my Maya’s Mom friends, I’d Rather Be. . . with many of them right now.  It makes me sad that people who are such an important part of my life now live far away, like San Diego, Texas, Hong Kong, and Australia. 

So that’s two I’d Rather Be.

And a third:  I’d rather be on a massage table right now, getting the bejesus rubbed out of my legs and bod.  Ahhhhhhh.

During a Maya’s Mom Meme, I mentioned that I had broken my back during elementary school.  A bunch of the other moms on the site asked me how, and whether it would play into their fears as moms about things happened to their kids during school.  To this, I reply: YES!  So here’s my story of my brush with death.

I went to school at Pathfinder, which was a very small, very unusual private school.  It was on a very wooded campus in Traverse City, with tons of what seemed like unexplored spaces to roam on recess.  Did I mention how many trees there were?  TONS of trees, just begging to be climbed.  During 4th grade (I think) my friends and I decided to go down to the very edge of our roaming zone and climb some trees.  This was March.  Why did we think climbing trees in March would be fun?  I have no idea, but at the time, it seemed like it would be.  I climbed about 20 feet up a pine tree, and I remember looking at my friend Erica who was also high-up.  We carried on a conversation as we sat in the trees, gently swaying in the icy Northern Michigan breeze. 

I heard a horrible cracking sound, and the next thing I heard was my body hitting the ground.  Not smart to climb trees in the winter.  Frozen branches = easily breakable branches.  I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t move, and I distinctly remember looking up into the tree that had, until seconds prior, held me.  One whole side of it was missing branches.  It was a BIG tree, with thick branches. My body had managed to take out a bunch on the way down.  Erica and Allison were screaming and started to run back to the school for help.  I’m sure the campus isn’t as big as I remember it, but it seemed like miles from where we were back to the school.  It was up a very steep hill, so I lay there talking to a boy in my class and trying to breathe without looking like a fish gasping for air.  He was nice and put his coat under my head. 

My teachers arrived.  I think they had called an ambulance, or maybe just my parents.  They put me on a backboard and took me into one of the classrooms, and proceeded to talk about all the people they had known who’d been paralyzed through various accidents.  I wanted to smack all of them.  I was hurt, but I wasn’t deaf.  Note to teachers:  keep your damn horror stories to yourself when children are hurt!!! 

I don’t remember the exact vertebrae I broke, but it was very close to my C4.  I was about 1/4” away from having broken my neck and possibly dying.  I haven’t climbed a tree since. Not a fan.  Especially after I spent the next 3 months in a very attractive back brace, worn outside and on top of my clothes.  Stellar.  As if you don’t feel gawky and weird enough in 4th grade, add a back brace to the picture and you are totally golden. 

So there you have it - my first brush with death.  Parents, tell your kiddies not to climb trees in the winter.  But if they do, hopefully the back braces of today are much better looking than they were in 1979. 

I completed my first in-person interview today in over 5 years.  I think it was fine, but I was brain dead by the time I got back to the office.  Jennifer called and asked me to pick up the girls from school early, as that wacky Virginia weather has handed us 60 degree days back to back.  She wanted me to meet up with her and Sophia at the park nearby, so I threw caution and work to the wind and picked up the girls.

Both were SUPER excited to see me.  See, in the past, when I have disrupted their schedule to “do something fun” with them, it has usually backfired.  They are out of sorts, and usually end up having a fit or acting up, despite their excitement.  Since I was decked out in the one suit I still fit in, Jennifer offered to bring me some comfy shoes.  Apparently Sophia was having her own issues with Jennifer changing her, so they were a few minutes late getting there.  I was running all around the park in my heels trying to keep up with both sweet monsters. 

Right before Jennifer and Sophia arrived, Lily and Arden were on the tire swing, “saving” a place for Sophia. Another little boy wanted to swing with them, and when I made Arden and Lily share the swing with him, Arden went to pieces.  First she ran away from me.  Then, when I managed to catch up to her, she swatted at me and made a beeline for the parking lot.  Finally I got her to sit down, but she did a lot of kicking, mulch-flinging and screeching. I ignored her and told her I’d give her 5 minutes to work it out, then she’d be spending her Time Out in the car seat. 

Jennifer and Sophia arrived, the girls actually played together for a bit, having fun on the see-saw.  Jennifer took some nice pictures, especially when Helen and her daughter Ava showed up.  After about 20 minutes on the swings (Jenn helped out by swinging Arden while I dealt with Lily), I asked Lily to get off her swing since a boy with parent was not-so-inconspicuously waiting on the swing.  This was enough to set Lily off.  She took off on me, then cried a bit, then sulked.  She refused to come play, even when Sophia SCREAMED her name across the playground and kindly patted the seat next to her.  No dice. 

So, while I pretended to ignore Lily (and note: I explained to Jennifer how hard it was to pretend to “ignore” your child at a crowded public park while keeping an eye trained on them to watch for kidnappers or pedophiles), Arden and Sophia ran around with Ava.  Lily got on one of those seats that spin.  I kept asking her to come play - she wouldn’t talk to me or look at me.  She kept spinning herself.  And spinning. And spinning.  After about 20 minutes of that, she staggered over to me and told me her tummy hurt.  Right then I knew I’d made a huge mistake by not forcing her to get off that thing!  She had spun herself sick.

Arden threw a fit when I told her we had to leave because Lily wasn’t well. Lily was crying from her tummy hurting, and I just wanted to get out of my suit.  We got in the car and I opened the window for Lily so she could have some air. I instructed her to take a lot of deep breaths and close her eyes.  We got home - barely.  As soon as Lily stepped inside the house, she vomited her corn dog nuggets from lunch all over the hallway.  I have never seen her puke so much in my life.  Thank god for hardwood floors!!! After shooing the dog who was about to feast on Lily’s sloppy seconds outside, I got her cleaned up, then the vomit, and finally got out of my suit.

Mike, always the helpful husband, says, “You do what you want, but why do you do stuff like that? All they ever do is give you a hard time!”  He’s kind of right, but I know that deep down they appreciate it.  At least Sophia and Ava were well-behaved and had a lot of fun.  I think my two had a good time too, minus the puking and the sharing issues. 

After a belated Christmas celebration at my sister-in-law’s house tonight, I met Tracy and Jennifer for a movie.  We saw Juno.  It was a great film.  Although I was never a pregnant 16 year old, it brought back a flood of memories of the gawkiness and weirdness of being a teenager.  You know, back in the days when you had to try to act cool all the time, it mattered who you hung out with, and you worried your clothes were all wrong.  Oh, wait, that was last week. 

Anyway, it was a great film. I highly recommend it.  It was funny - so funny that I found myself wanting to bitch-slap the movie theatre audience for laughing so loud it covered up the dialogue.  It was one of those films where you want to hear every word that is being said - it’s THAT well-written.  Of course, I cried - I always cry it seems, no matter how funny it’s supposed to be. I remember seeing Pretty Woman with my sister and wondering why she was blubbering. She said once you grew up, you cried over everything.  Apparently I’m all growed-up, as they say here in the South. 

I needed a break, too. With the office move happening earlier in the week, I was over-tired and a little more than cranky.  We had some little things go wrong, as they always do during a move or a highly-stressful period of life.  I am still in some sort of weird transition period, sort of like a living limbo if you will, trying to figure out what the next best step will be.  In the meantime, I try to keep my chin up.

The girls have been in a pretty stable phase now.  I can count on Arden being “spirited” and Lily being “sensitive”.  We recently took them back to the play area at “Burger Kings” and I told Lily I’d help her get to the top.  I shoved my middle-aged butt up those tiny little ledges only to realize that Lily was literally SHAKING with fear. She does NOT like heights.  She was absolutely petrified. I tried to reason with her, as stupid adults do, saying things like, “You did this at the State Fair” or “Look, that 2 year old boy is doing it with no problems. . . ”  and I realized I was a little angry.  I just don’t want her to be afraid.  Is it that important to me that she not be afraid of things?  Apparently, yes.  I just always assumed that those kinds of fears, or timidity, were learned behaviors.  I know for a fact, however, that she didn’t learn them from me - and Mike is smart enough to keep his freaky behaviors to himself (love you, honey).  I’m hoping she grows out of it, but really, if being afraid of heights is the worst thing she ever suffers from, we’ll be okay. 

I shared this with some online friends already, but Mike busted the girls in the bathtub . . . Arden was about to shove a water toy up Lily’s nether-regions at Lily’s request. Both were grinning like maniacs and after Mike finished hyperventilating and screaming “EXIT ONLY” to Lily, he calmed down and explained why that wasn’t a good idea.  Apparently this happens a lot - I had a lot of feedback on Maya’s Mom about all the similar experiences of other mothers. Some of the stories were HILARIOUS.  Some were a little scary.  Either way, Mike is probably going to be scarred for life.  He just wasn’t expecting that kind of conversation at ages 3 and 5. 

Our office is moving. Away from good old Hamilton Street and back into the suburbs. Now I will have no reason to ever cross the river (oh yeah - except that my parents live on the south side of town).  I’m a little sad, but more anxious to get things moved.  We’re in pretty good shape, but even an office move sucks. I said to someone today, “I hate moving.”  Then I realized how dumb that sounds.  Who in their right mind says “I LOVE MOVING!”  Probably that same insane women who says they “LOVE” being pregnant. Gag.

In the meantime, the girls continue to recover from the bearded jolly fat one.  Arden is going commando tonight (okay, well, not commando - but non-diapered).  She’s been dry the last few weeks and we are letting her try out the overnights with “big girl panties”. She was so excited, she was hopping around from one foot to the other screaming “BIG GIRL UNDERWEAR!!!”  I wish I got that excited about underpants.  We’re very proud and mostly very exciting that soon, very soon, we will never have to buy diapers again.  Hallelujah!!! We have been changing diapers non-stop for 5 years.  And I can’t wait to never do that again.

I have much more to report but no energy to report it. I worked out for the first time in, oh, more than a couple of weeks, and I’m tired.  I want my bed and some warm feet. It’s COLD in Virginia!