Our house had one of the world’s ugliest colored doors.  This same blue that you can see in the picture was all over the front door.  Because of the financial restrictions imposed on us right now, we couldn’t just rip the thing out and replace it with something made of actual wood.  Instead, Mike painted it black - and it’s surprising what some new door hardware and thick black paint the consistency of congealed pudding can do.  I’ll have to take a picture of his handiwork.  It’s lovely.

Lily had a “sleep over” at her grandparent’s house this weekend.  Mike’s calling it just an “over”, since no sleeping was done by either Lily OR her grandmother.  And I hate to say it, but Lily has her completely wrapped around her gnawed-on fingers.  Lily is supposed to sleep in the Aerobed (mom puts it on the floor next to their bed), and Grampa is relegated to the upstairs because he “snores” and “wakes up too early” (quotes from mom).  After getting up every 5-10 minutes to go to the bathroom, check on Grammy, say she’s thirsty, ask what “that noise” was or when Grammy was going to take a bath, Lily finally gave up and went to bed.  Or so my mom thought.  Turns out mom had told Lily she wasn’t going to take a bath until Lily was asleep.  Around 10 pm, mom wandered into the bedroom on the way to the bath.  Lily was quietly “sleeping” in her bed.  Mom took a bath and opened the door to the bedroom.  There’s Lily, propped up in mom’s bed, with all of her stuffed animals, a toothbrush, and some random articles of clothing, giggling maniacally.  She announced, “I want to sleep with you, Grammy!” 

Of course my mom couldn’t say no, so she spent the evening being thrashed by Lily (she likes to sleep horizontally).  She also experienced Lily’s sleep-talk, weird grunting noises, and snoring (she rivals grandpa in that department).  At 4 AM my mom got up to go to the bathroom.  30 seconds later, there’s Lily in the doorway:  “Grammy, where are you going?” 

She was quite the holy terror on Saturday after not much sleep and no nap, but after a good night’s sleep Sunday and a great nap yesterday, she was in a very good mood. 

Mike and I got to spend some alone time with Arden, which was wonderful.  We tried to indoctrinate her into a morning cuddle routine.  Normally Lily will wander in around 6.30 or 7 and hop into bed.  We both hug her and shower her with kisses and try not to block her view of PBS Kids (the real reason she’s in our bed).  We thought it would be nice to bring Arden into bed with us on Saturday morning.  Let’s just put it this way.  Mike sings some weird song about Arden being “as cuddly as a cactus, as charming as an eel”.  That sums it up.  She screamed when we tried to put her into bed, then shoved me away when I tried to hug her, and refused to sit propped up on pillows so she could see the tv.  The only way we managed to keep her ON the bed with us was to get her napper off the floor (she loves that thing more than us) and spread it out at the foot of the bed.  I have vowed that I will wear down her non-cuddling resistance by sheer force of will.  If I can get my icy sister to submit to my hugs, I can certainly make Arden less cactus-like. 

My mom doesn’t understand why I post things about Lily that will “make people think Lily is horrible.”  Well, the answer is, Lily isn’t horrible. She’s just a normal nearly 4 year old.  And frankly, if more people shared openly about the trials and tribulations of child rearing, there would be a lot less insecure mothers out there, wondering what they’re doing wrong.  I talked to a client of ours today about Lily’s recent tantrum phase and he told me it really wouldn’t stop until kindergarten. He shared his own stories with me and how he deals with his girls when they do these things, and turns out we’re mostly doing the right thing.  Consistency, positive reinforcement, redirection, and consequences.  If Lily is given a choice between two options and she chooses poorly, she ends up dealing with the consequence.  Right now, the consequences result in temper tantrums, but I’m fairly certain that this too shall pass.

So for all those out there who think I’m evil for sharing the reality of raising two girls, sometimes badly, sometimes with genius, I’m just telling it like it is.  And I’d rather be upfront about my good and bad days than sugar coat it all and act like it’s so easy to balance between a business that needs a serious overhaul, kids that often don’t listen to me, and a husband that is stressed to the gills about money and all the things out of his control (like my business).  I dish it out plenty - I can also take it.  Making fun of myself as a mother is one of my favorite past-times.  If my mother had kept a record of how evil I was, I might not have been so surprised at this point in my life to see how awful and then instantaneously brilliant my own children can be.  They are both amazing children and I love them endlessly . . . but at times, they also make me want to sterilize the next generation of women for their own protection.  It’s that delicious dichotomy that makes life rich and worth living. 

Rather than try to explain our night with Lily, I thought I’d just post some examples of what our nearly 4 year old is like these days.  We hope it passes quickly. And for those of you with children not yet nearly 4 - run.  Hide.  Change your phone number.  It’s not too late.

Part I:  Lily as Damien.  Immediately after bath, after she screamed repeatedly that she didn’t love or like me.  I gave her the choice to get dressed in her room or Arden’s.  She wouldn’t tell me (she was too busy screaming “I DON’T LIKE YOU!”) so I dressed her forcibly in her room.  What set this off, you ask?  I had the audacity to remove her head from the dress it was stuck in.  Apparently she would have preferred to spend the rest of her night running around with her dress squeezing all the blood up into her head.  The aftermath is forever preserved here.

Part II:  Lily as Linda Blair in the Exorcist, Part VIII.  Now Lily is mad because I am filming her tantrum and trying not to giggle too loudly. But hey, what do you do when your kid is acting like this?  Either laugh or cry, and tonight, I choose humor!  Yes, bring on the laughter!  Because if I don’t laugh, I seriously might have a psychotic break with reality!

Part III:  Lily in Time Out. After literally frothing at the mouth while I tried to brush her teeth, she went to time out (although I think I actually might have said, “GET IT TOGETHER, LILY!”).  She also has just received the news that she will have her book reading priviledges revoked for the evening, and she IS. NOT. HAPPY.

We finally got her calmed down but kept our promise of no books.  It hurts us more than it hurts you, darling.  As I was leaving the room, I spotted her new “aquarium”.  Her Nemo-fish is now living in her dollhouse, apparently. I love the random things she does with her possessions. 

I’m tired, but here’s a quick picture of Arden after her first day in Red Room:

She didn’t sleep much on her new cot at the Station, but she sure is sleeping now.  Awwww.  Ms. Windsor wrote a cute note for her first day.  She said she had been patting Arden’s belly and telling her it was time to take a nap, and Arden responded by gently patting her hand and saying, “Nigh-night . . . ” 

Lily was a complete monster when I picked her up. It’s hard to describe her mouth - it’s sassy, mean, and petulant.  For example, I say, “How was your day, Lily?  I missed you!”  And she responds, “I’m not talking to you MAMA!  Don’t you talk that way to me!!!”  Huh?  Where is my sweet child?  Apparently being good all day for the teachers (she gets to be the first “line leader” of the year, a fact of which she is very proud) makes her a holy terror by 5.15 pm.  Sigh.  She also didn’t nap today so I’m chalking it up to that.  She also told me she didn’t like me AT ALL, threw a fit in the driveway when Mike got home and mean mother that I am, asked her to remove her bike from the middle of the cul-de-sac, and screamed and cried when I offered to hold her hand up the stairs, she refused, and I walked away.  10 seconds later, “MOMMY HOLD MY HAND!!! HOLD MY HAND!”  AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Lily is officially the master of the stall.  Just now she came into the office to tell Mike, “Daddy, I need to tell you something. It’s water play tomorrow and I love you.” Ummm hmmmm.  I’m waiting another 30 seconds for the next exit from her bedroom, when she’ll scream at the top of her lungs, “POTTY!!! I NEED TO GO POTTY!”, even though she just went 2.5 minutes ago. 

On the way home from school, out of nowhere, she informed me that she is not going to love me anymore if I talk to her “that way”.  I hadn’t been talking at all, so I asked her what she meant.  “You shouldn’t say no to people, Mommy, and if you say no to me, I’m not going to love you anymore or be your friend.”  Great.  I told her that I loved her even when she wasn’t behaving properly. I also tried to explain that I can say no, (and I WILL SAY NO, DAMMIT!) and it’s because I love her and want to protect her, and it’s okay for adults to say no to children.  Especially mommies.  Mothers, can you imagine a day when you couldn’t say the word NO?  Talk about purgatory! 

Anyway, we now refer to Lily as the Master of Stalls.  Previous excuses include:

- “Something’s making sticky sounds under my pillow.”
- “The thunder is so loud and it’s giving me a headache.”
- “I need a tissue.”
- “My stuffed Nemo is gone.”  (It was under her pillow, most likely making sticky sounds.)
- “I need a drink of water.”
- “I heard a noise.”
- “I need to tell you that I love you and I like you and I’ll see you in the morning.”
- “Arden’s awake - I hear her talking. Why is she awake?” (Insert dripping sarcasm “Perhaps because you’re screaming “I NEED TO GO POTTY” outside her door?” here)
- “I need to brush my teeth/hair again.”

You get the picture.  If only we could find a way to make money off her stalling . . .