When my cousin Cristin is around, I cease to exist for my children.  They knew Cristin had said she was coming today, so starting at 7.30 this morning, they began asking me what time she would grace us with her presence.  When she showed up around 5 PM tonight, the girls went nuts.  Screaming, running, hugging, spazzing - I really didn’t seem them again until bedtime.  Cristin validated me, though. Even the Supreme Cristin had difficulty with Arden.  She said, “I know you write about it - but it’s nothing until you experience it yourself.”  She is SO right! 

Arden will eventually be broken of the terrible threes, but it might not be before she breaks Mike and I.  By Sunday evening I usually feel pretty fried.  How do you explain that EVERYTHING is an issue?  She can be maniacally happy one moment, then sheer devil the next.  She goes from zero to MEAN in less than 1 second.  I just keep telling myself we will get through this.  We will. We have to.  We are now working in cahoots with Arden’s teacher at Rainbow, doing the same type of reaction when she has her fits (we basically ignore her).  It seems to be working a little bit. 

This is my punishment for not being a patient person.  I was given a child (actually, two) that push my patience and my sanity to the extreme limits.  I have become a more patient person in spite of myself. 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

We had a good weekend.  I slept a lot. I feel like I am never going to “catch up” on sleep after all that work we did.  We are gearing up for Bizarre Bazaar here in Richmond in a couple of weeks, but it seems so much easier now since we won’t have to travel.  Yesterday we went to a birthday party at a new place in Midlothian that has a lot of inflatables - moon bounces, obstacle courses, slides.  Arden and Lily bounced and slid themselves silly.  They were SO tired last night.  And tonight after all the activity, Lily actually slept through 4 smoke detectors going off simultaneously (I forgot to tell Cristin to run the fan while in the shower - for some reason, the steam sets off all the smoke alarms upstairs).  I guess she’s really tired.  Arden woke up and just wanted to chat about the “whys” of the noise - why it sounds like that, why it happens, what it’s for.  I just kept saying, “It’s fine, honey, go back to sleep.”  She’s like me.  I should know better. Until an answer satisifies my curiosity, I don’t stop acting.  I am a pain in my own butt, it seems. 

A snippet from my glamorous life:

Sitting downstairs, Lily and Arden recently put to bed.  Checking email.  Catching up on Grey’s Anatomy.  Lily pads downstairs whimpering.  “Mommy, I need to wash my hands.” 

Mommy: “Why do you need to wash your hands, Lily? You just got out of the bathtub!” 

Lily:  “My hand really smells yucky.  I need to wash it.  Here, smell it.”  (Thrusting palm of her hand under my nose.)

Mommy:  (sniffs cautiously, recoils after smelling hand).  “Lily, what IS that?”

Lily: “My bottom itches, so I had to do a lot of scratching and now my hand smells yucky.”

Egads, people.  Nothing says glamorous life like an exchange like this.

Around 11.30 AM I got a call from preschool.  Lily was running a low-grade fever, her eyes were streaming, and in the words of the school nurse, she was “miserable”.  I grabbed my computer, shoved some mail out the door and headed out to pick her up.

As I spent the afternoon with a feverish, alternatively sweaty or shiverying Lily, I took a few minutes to allow myself to rest as well.  I think calling my body “run down” would be an understatement.  I’ve been sick for about a week and frankly, if I could have gotten my mom to come up here and rub my back and make me soup, I definitely would have.  I got to spend the afternoon fetching water, rubbing Lily’s back, snuggling her on the couch (she “couldn’t sleep” in her bed), and entertaining her by my mad coloring skills. 

What struck me tonight, as I poured out some Motrin for her, was how trusting she was.  She said, “Mommy, I’m so tired of coughing.  WHEN will I FEEL BETTER???”  I told her to take her medicine and she would feel good.  She just nodded, completely convinced that my word was the gospel.  I wish I still had that kind of trust in people, or medication. 

Arden was a holy terror after a day of being “good” at school. She spent the time at home screaming her lungs out because I wouldn’t give her a strawberry until she ate some of her dinner (I know, I’m mean as hell).  She cried during bath, she cried while getting dressed.  I managed not to lose my temper, but Lily spent most of the evening covering her ears with her hands because Arden was a 7.8 on the Richter Scale.  She lost her book priviledges, so she went to bed without any reading or playing.  Lily only managed one snotty comment (that’s how I knew she truly felt bad).  During bathtime she said, “I want you to read tonight - and Arden, you don’t GET a book.” 

We read “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas” (she’s on a holiday kick, and made me watch Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer today as well).  Mike did the Grinch’s voice and I did the narration plus occasional high-pitched and snarky sounding Cindy Lou Who’s voice.  We hugged and kissed her, took her temperature (101.7), and tucked her in.  Within minutes, she was asleep . . . still believing that mommy kisses, daddy hugs and bubble-gum flavored meds would solve her problems and she’d wake up feeling like she was ready to take on the monkey bars. 

Lately, every evening when I arrive at RS to pick up the girls, I end up clenching and holding my breath before entering Arden’s classroom.  Is it a horrible attack of gas?  A really bad smell?  NO!  It’s me waiting to find out if Arden has been “thumbs up” or “thumbs pointing toward hell”. 

Here’s the thing about The Ard.  You have to love her. She’s funny, she’s silly, she loves to be a goofball.  She’s got personality oozing out of her ears.  It’s a good thing, too, because she also has deviljuice oozing out of her ears right along with the personality. 

A couple of days ago, I went to pick the girls up, and headed to Arden’s room first.  Ms. Christine, Arden’s teacher, happened to be in the lobby while I was entering my super-secret security code that gives me access to the door.  I asked her how Arden did today.  Ms. Christine sighed and shook her head.  “We had a difficult time this morning,” she said.  “I’m not going to lie to you.” 

Morning snack in the dining car was cream cheese on a bagel.  Arden swears she loves bagels, but what she really loves is just the cream cheese (Lily, on the other hand, won’t get within 10 feet of cream cheese).  She spent the first 5 minutes licking the cream cheese off the bagel.  Then she asked Ms. Christine for more.  She told her no, she needed to eat her bagel (which is what I would have done).  Arden decided tha she didn’t like Ms. Christine’s lip, so she threw her bagel down on the floor in protest.  I’m surprised she didn’t stage a coup to overthrow the cream cheese dictators in the dining car, but I’m sure that will happen later - when she learns to spell “coup”. 

I lamented to Christine and Donna, another teacher familiar with Arden’s antics, that she was so incredibly headstrong and willful (no idea where she got it).  They jokingly said, “Leave her with us for two weeks and we’ll return her fixed.”  I know they were just kidding, but I still felt the need to say, “Look, we are strict parents. We don’t let her talk to us that way, or whip bagels at us, or be sassy or throw fits because she doesn’t get her way. We consistently don’t give in.  So I just want you to know that we aren’t letting her run wild at home.”  They both said they didn’t think that, but I’m not sure what someone else is going to do with Arden that we haven’t tried.

Even Donna and Christine talked about how well Arden’s personality would serve her later in life. I added, “Yes, if it’s tempered.” 

I cannot wait to put her in the shirt I got her for her birthday:

I remember thinking I was off the hook when Lily hit three, just to find out that she actually got more tempermental, moody, and sometimes, downright nasty.  Arden is also going through a particularly bad phase right now.  If we have less than 5 fits a night, I feel like I’m on vacation.  I keep reminding myself that she will get better, older, and more able to express herself with words instead of eardrum-rupturing screams.  Please, god, make it hurry. 

Arden’s preschool gives out daily sheets every day - hence the name, “daily sheet”.  I picked up Arden today, and glanced at her daily sheet.  On the back, under the “social” category, a small handwritten word:  “Feisty”.  (Well, actually it was written as Fiesty, but who’s grading the daily sheets? Not me.)

Feisty.  It’s a pretty good word for her. At nearly three, she was sassing her primary teacher today and yesterday, saying “I’m not gonna LOOK at you!” when told to do something (she thinks that’s a punishment, apparently, and I’m not going to educate her).  She usually combines the threat to not look at you with a goose-step, dinosaur-like stomping of feet and flapping of arms for good measure.  I got her in the car and she immediately took her shoes off and began kicking the back of the seat and the window, just to be spiteful - she wasn’t even mad at the moment.  She got mad - after I told her to stop.  She and Lily spent the rest of the time trying to shove each other’s toes in each other’s faces, all the while screaming, “SMELL MY STINKY TOES!”.  It was highly entertaining. 

I know that Arden is going to test me daily and that this is not a phase.  She is stubborn, hilarious, and incredibly independent. These are all traits that will serve her well later in life. Right now, they just give her parents an ulcer.  I think it’s interesting that I have one daughter who is paying me back ten-fold for all the times I sat at the dining room table, a child myself, and complained about the meals my mother served, refused to eat, or just slapped a sour face on and made dinner miserable for all those around me.  Lily is my mother’s payback to me in human form.  Then there’s Arden, who is so incredibly spirited and determined.  Thank god she’s fairly cute, smart, and has personality coming out of her ears - otherwise, raising her might not be so much fun.