My friend Alicia sent me a Laurie Berkner CD awhile back. The girls totally LOVE it. Arden especially enjoys trying to sing along, all the while being corrected by Lily (“THAT’S NOT how you SING IT, ARDEN!”). There’s a song on there called “I’m Not Perfect.” It goes something like:
“We’re Not Perfect, No We’re Not . . .
We’re Not Perfect, But We’ve Got What We’ve Got . . .”
and so on.
So today Arden was feeling particularly sassy, and yelled back at Laurie, “Hey, LADY!!! We ARE perfect!” I’m sure Laurie would approve of the sassy comment.
Posted April 25, 2008 in
Humor
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My friend Kristin (an excellent writer, I might add) wrote a list of things she wouldn’t have been able to do if she’d stayed in the working world. It’s so funny I had to repost it here. Don’t worry, I got her permission. Thanks Kristin!
Just for you HomeSlice…to help you feel better about your recent decision. I have compiled a list I will call….
What I Wouldn’t Be Able to Do If I Had a Different Job (other than SAHM)
1. Declare any given day “PJ Day!”. Finding clean clothes and bothering to change either myself or him would clearly be breaking the rules, so why do it?
2. Declare that every Tuesday means that lunch is on McD’s and that cheeseburger happy meals now constitute a healthy lunch for both myself and the boy.
3. Spend hours at a park doing nothing but playing and listening to my child laugh.
4. Enjoy long mornings in coffee shops that have either A. play areas for kids or B. storytime….while I enjoy a “conference” with my cell phone and a latte.
5. Have a work day that includes walks on the beach, bike rides, trips to the zoo, and/or sidewalk chalk.
6. Well…Maya’s Mom. Right? It had to be included or I’d be lying. So….here it is. I wouldn’t be able to spend nearly as much time on Maya’s Mom. Well, unless I was ellies_mom. (Sorry A., I had to do it! 
7. Sport a baseball hat and/or running pants as part of my “workplace wardrobe”.
8. Spend every morning not rushing to get out the door, but instead, cuddled on the couch with a mug of coffee in one hand, and my other arm around Buddha, while we watch cartoons.
9. Take leisurely “outings” to Whole Foods Market. It’s an adventure AND something that gets crossed off the to-do list.
10. Enjoy a “boss” who has very low expectations for what should be accomplished in any one day. Finger painting, coloring, pushing trucks up and down the hallway, and lunch with Mr. Rogers all constitute a very productive day in his eyes. Baking cookies or having something other than PB&J for lunch are things that push me into the realm of “overly ambitious” and would certainly guarantee an excellent review.
Posted March 04, 2008 in
Humor
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Jennifer and I are finally getting caught up from the move and all sorts of other fabulous things, and we started to place some inventory orders for our SassyOnesies.com business. One of our manufacturers (Wry Baby) has some cool election year stuff that we needed to order. But even better than that - they came up with a PILLOWCASE set for new parents. Or heck, ANY parent. Their stuff has ALWAYS made me laugh, but this one about put me over the edge into hysterics. Partly because I can’t tell you how many nights I have WISHED for a way to be OFF DUTY permanently.
I laughed. And I laughed. And I laughed some more. Then I went into the bathroom so I wouldn’t pee my pants. I think of how many marriages and arguments these silly pillowcases can save. For example:
“Honey . . .the baby’s crying.”
“(Mumbling). Whaaa? I don’t hear anything.”
“Honey, the baby’s crying. And you are unfortunately sleeping on the On-Duty pillow, so get your butt out of bed.”
“Pillow? Wha’ pillow?”
“Dear, the one your head is on. The pillow is all-knowing and cannot be denied. Rise from the bed and deal with your spawn. Mother needs to go back to sleep. Night night!”
Speaking of, ever noticed how many men can “sleep through” extremely loud baby or child-induced noises? Mmm hmmmm. I don’t think so. I have, on occasion, been guilty of pretending to be asleep - but only in the hopes that the aforementioned child will stop crying because “mommy is sleeping”. It has never worked. I think it’s sort of that selective hearing men use to filter out anything they don’t want to do or hear. It’s quite convenient to have selective hearing at 4 in the morning.
Anyway, it made me laugh. I had a great hubbie during those sleepless nights, but I know plenty of couples who could benefit from the pillowcases.
Posted February 07, 2008 in
Humor
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Yourself: Master of Sarcasm
Your partner: Studly
Your hair: Static Cling
Your Mother: Master of Guilt and Child Care
Your Father: Wickedly Funny
Your Favorite Item: Peanut Butter and Chocolate - together in perfect harmony
Your dream last night: Um, incredibly weird
Your Favorite Drink: 007 Martini
Your Dream Car: convertible Jag
Your Dream Home: Large airy Spanish Tile Stucco built in the 1930’s somewhere in a hip urban city near the mountains. Not that I’m specific or anything.
The Room You Are In: Family room.
Your Ex: Complex.
Your fear: My burgeoning ass.
Where you Want to be in Ten Years?: With Mike and the girls, in the spanish tile stucco house, and not in debt.
Who you hung out with last night: My Maya’s Mom friends - virtually, of course
What You’re Not: Disloyal
Muffins: Pumpkin, baby!
One of Your Wish List Items: Wii
Time: Never enough
The Last Thing You Did: Cleaned burned plastic off the glass top range.
What You Are Wearing: A hoodie I’ve had since Lily was born. SEXAY!!!!
Your favorite weather: 68 degrees, sunny and crisp.
Your Favorite Book: Anything by Mary Gaitskill, Margaret Atwood or Milan Kundera
Last thing you ate: PORK!
Your Life: In flux
Your mood: Relieved
Your Best Friends: Jennifer, Susan, Julie, my sister (awww)
What are you thinking about right now: I should be blogging. Oh wait, I am!
Your car: Volvo Mom-Mobile with Bum Warmers
What are you doing at the moment: Smelling wet dog (Delilah had a bath)
Your summer: Sticky. I LOATE RICHMOND IN SUMMER.
Relationship status: Fat, happy and married.
What is on your tv: DVR’d Philadelphia Flyers vs Washington Capitals
What is the weather like: Sleeting
When is the last time you laughed: While making dinner. Arden was head-butting me like a freakish ram.
**Oh crap. Just realized I was supposed to answer in one word. I am verbose. I am a writer. Give me a break.**
Posted January 17, 2008 in
Humor
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Today I got Arden to come over to the couch and allow me to “cuddle” her, which means she tolerated me trying to hug her and actually crawled up next to me. I had just finished eating some chips and chili dip, and I leaned in to give her a big kiss. She screwed up her nose and said, “Ashually, Mommy, I don’t wike your breaf so much.” Well, geez! And she ALWAYS smells like a bed of rose petals to me 
Posted November 22, 2007 in
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