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The top 5 reasons I’m cranky:

1.  I need more babysitting help.  Seriously. I am not going to survive nap mat season without more time in the office.  Can someone please save me?  Why do colleges start mid-August?  Do they not know that I dealing with nap mat season and it doesn’t end until SEPTEMBER?!?!?!  And that all my babysitters are college students? 

2.  Our SassyOnesies.com site’s order function is “broken”.  This means people can order, but I can’t do anything with the order - like process or ship it.  Yeah, that’s going to be nice.  3-5 days, says Yahoo Tech Support in terms of when they will get back to me.  In the meantime I’m on hold with Verizon Business trying to convince them it’s their problem and to fix it.

3.  I had my butt kicked from here to there in Super Circuit this morning, and I’m so sore I can barely sit down. 

4.  Arden and Lily have weird rashes. Lily has one on her back, Arden’s is on her chest.  When there is something unidentifiable on my children, I get cranky.

5.  4 hours a day is not enough time to get all the work done that needs to be done.  Wait, I think that relates to item 1.  Whatever. 

Help. 

My cousin Mike and his wife and baby (Anja and Mia) live nearby in Yorktown.  Well, it’s about an hour and half - if you don’t hit beach traffic.  Uncle Sal was in town getting his Mia-fix and they came up Friday night to visit us.  We had a great time.  I took a ton of pictures, as usual, and you can see all the fun in the Flickr Slideshow below.

Mia has gotten so big since I last saw her, and Lily and Arden are positively obsessed with her.  They were super excited that Mia walks now, and tried holding her hand while leading her all around the house.  I’m fairly certain Mia had had enough of their bossing her around by Saturday, but she was her usual good-natured sport and went along with their antics for the most part.

Mike couldn’t come up until Saturday since he had to take care of all the animals (5 cats and 2 dogs), so he arrived around noon.  We went to the pool in the morning, and Mom catered a delicious lunch for us at my house.  I think she believes I’m incapable of providing food for guests (she even brought her own jug of iced tea) but it was delicious.  Maybe one of these days I’ll be able to cook for my own house guests, but until then, I will enjoy eating her food. 

The girls enjoyed swimming together and Mia liked the water so much that her toes completely pruned up. There’s a great picture in the slideshow of her feet.  After lunch we went to Short Pump Mall to ride the train and have dinner before they headed back east.  Arden had become so attached to Mia and the rest that she was crying and didn’t stop until she went to bed, which of course made Anja start to cry.  It’s hard living away from family! Mike said he’d move if I would find him a job up here, so I’m on a mission. 

Today we’re taking it easy. We went to the pool this morning and will work with Lily on her bike riding (no training wheels) this afternoon. I also need to clean out my car - it is entirely nasty.  Old food, dirt, crumbs - it looks like a giant neon sign for rats saying “Hang out in me! I’m dirty and full of rotting food!!!! Come on it and eat!” 

Today was Jae’s turn for the Friday Photo Challenge topic.  Bitch that she is, she’s in Tokyo with Cathy.  I hate them both.  Just a little.  The two of them make me feel like a country bumpkin with no culture and class with all their world traveling, but I digress.

Jae’s photo challenege:  Take a new photo of something that is not related to your family and write a haiku about it. If any of you lurking blog readers wish to play along, please do so - and leave me a comment with a link to your haiku challenge Fun fun fun!

So here goes, keeping in mind I haven’t written any kind of poetry since I was like, 20, and, like, totally wearing a black beret and consumed with self-loathing. 

Hissing scaled beast
Hanging at the garage door
I want in your shell.

Cathy of good shirts
Are we looking at your boobs
Or just your haiku?

My sister and her family live in the Dallas area in Texas, and for those of you like me who are geographically challenged, Texas is a long way away from Virginia.  Ever since my sister graduated from law school, she’s been living far, far away from me.  First in Seattle, then San Diego & Laguna Beach, California, and now Southlake.  This entire time I’ve been in Michigan, North Carolina, and Virginia. 

Her kids grew up seeing me once a year or sometimes, if I was lucky, twice.  My kiddies are growing up under similar circumstances.  They got to bond with their Aunt Risa when we went to Chapel Hill a few weeks back to annoy Tori during her orientation.  They know that their Auntie has large horses she kisses and an annoying gaggle of dogs who bark when I call.  They ask about Tori and Nate and want to know when they will get to play with them again.  I was fortunate - I was able to spend a couple of summers during college in California with Tori, and another summer with Nate and Tori. 

It’s not the first time I’ve realized it but living this far away from my sister really sucks.  She’s busy all the time, and so am I, so we usually catch each other on the cell phone as I am between kid issues or work and she is between trail riding or feeding horses and animals.  When we are together, we laugh - a lot.  I used to wet my pants on a regular basis during our visits until I got my bladder fixed.  She’s my child-rearing advice-giver, and she understands and loves my girls in their individual way.  I am slightly bitter that I couldn’t really be involved when her kids were growing up.  Now Nate is 16 and the next time I blink he’ll be going to college.  My sister-in-laws both live and Richmond and are joined at the hip. I’m jealous of that - they’ve been living near each other for decades and still love each other. 

I was slightly hopeful that with Tori going to UNC, MAYBE Risa and Frank would end up on the east coast, and by default, Nate would follow.  I don’t really see that happening for a variety of reasons.  Perhaps one of those big thunderstorms they get in Texas will blow the entire state (or just the DFW part of it) into the East Coast, kind of like a Wizard of Oz tornado complete with a lot of large SUVs, cowboy hats and expensive jewelry. 

Mike and I are stuck planted here in Virginia until he retires.  When your entire paycheck is based on being in Virginia, and moving somewhere else requires you to completely start over, the chances of that happening are slim to none.  So unless Risa ends up out here, we’ll continue our long-distance sisterhood. 

Alicia challeneged us to pick a picture of something that represents a moment of our own. For me, there are a couple at the top of my list:

Stealing from another friend, the toilet is high on the list of private moments. It’s generally where I can read uninterrupted and even the girls are afraid to disturb me there.  Additionally, I love long hot baths, but unfortunately our stupid water heater is undersized and only allows me to fill up my glorious tub about 1/4 full, which means posting a naked picture of me, and no one wants to see that. 

So, my third choice:  our screened porch.  Usually I can hang out there, read and listen to the little waterfall we have and feel at peace.  And it doesn’t require me to post a picture of me on the pot, or naked, so it wins. DING DING DING!!!

Twice in the past week I’ve gotten the girls all fired up to go to the pool after nap.  I suit them up, shove my own bod into my suit, get dry towels, sunscreen, and 42 pool toys.  I schlepp over there with all my crap just to find out, during incident #1, that there is a swim team meet.  At 6 PM. It was 4 PM when I got there.  Apparently they need TWO HOURS to get ready.  Today I arrive at 4.05 with two very overheated girls who can’t wait to jump in the pool.  I am told that there is a swim team party - at 5.30 PM.  The pool is closed so they can “hose down the deck and take out the trash”.  And this, between 5 lifeguards, takes an hour and half?? I was so irritated.  Does the swim team need the entire freakin’ pool for their party?  NO THEY DO NOT.  Both girls were so mad at me and demanded to know how I could drag them to the pool twice in a row just to find out it was closed. I know kiddies, I suck.  And since I don’t live in Wyndham proper - I live in Millstone - I am not worthy of their single sheet of paper newsletter that informs me when the pool will be closed.  I took out my pool angst on some unsuspecting teenager working the pool office.  Although she didn’t seem to care, I felt much better after yelling at her. 

I don’t know, but for $500 a year (which is really only end of May through beginning of September), I don’t really want to hear that the pool needs to be closed for swim team parties.  Meets I can sort of understand - especially since Lily will be joining the swim team next year.  I think I’m just hot and cranky myself.  Grrrr. 

Also, I know I’m not the first to mention this, but the girls have recently started watching Noggin. I am happy with Noggin for the most part, but Yo Gabba Gabba concerns me greatly.  First of all, what is up with that dude who hosts the show (DJ LanceRock)?  He looks like Bootsy Collins on a bad hair day.  Most of the time I feel like I’m on some horrible acid trip watching it.  The voices, the weirdness, the creepy DJ popping out of my TV - it’s too much for me.  Then I noticed the creature called Muno.  Here is a picture of Muno, second from the left:

And while searching for that picture, I also found this blog entry affirming that I am not insane.  Apparently I am not the only twisted mother who thinks that Muno looks like a giant vibrator or french tickler.  I’m sorry but you know the creators of Muno are laughing their butts off that their giant red bumpy penis monster is giving them serious cash money from the kiddies.  I don’t know, maybe they did it to entertain parents like me, who look for sex toys in the mundane and everyday.  Could be. 

That is all, people. 

Cathy came up with this week’s photo challenge. I think many of us were dismayed to find out how boring our lives really are.  However, I love looking at “boring pictures” - including my own!!!

First, our regular morning cuddle:

Then some breakfast.  This time, Arden was mad . . . about something.

Then we head to the Y:

On this particular exciting day, we went to my sister-in-law’s pool so the girls could swim with their cousins:

After lunch, we had some exciting naptime.  Naptime is also called “work time”:

Including a visit to the office to ship some stuff:

On work nights, this place is right around the corner from my office:

After dinner, there is bath and storytime.  Arden isn’t in the picture because she lost her privileges due to socking Lily:

And random goofiness:

Then, finally, some news and relaxing.  And so ends my day.

From Ten on Tuesday . . . and in no set order of importance, greatness, or anything else. 

1.  Mike and my only trip together out West, to Steamboat Springs.  Getting Mike over a tiny bit of his travel phobia and watching him gleefully immerse himself in real powder was so wonderful.  I didn’t realize until we got home that my exhaustion wasn’t caused by the high altitude and exercise. It was caused by being pregnant with Lily.  Thankfully all the drinking and hot tubbing I was doing didn’t hurt her!

2.  My half-summer in Greece, 1988.  There is no better way to learn culture, art and architecture than by immersing yourself in it.  2 weeks on the mainland was followed by 2weeks island-hopping, “studying”, eating, and exploring.  It is my dream to take Mike to Santorini in 2010 for our 10 year anniversary. 

3.  Our family vacation to Heavenly Valley sometime in the mid-80’s.  After driving in ridiculous weather conditions (at one point, my dad was under our car trying to dig out the tires so he could put chains on), and thinking we were going to die, we made it only to get snowed in at our condo. When I say snowed in, I mean the snow was literally up to the roofline.  We scrapped Heavenly Valley and spent the rest of our vacation touring San Francisco.  My highlight was watching my brother-in-law buy clothes from a very helpful salesperson named Jelly Love. 

4.  Honeymoon in Kiawah.  I was a little bitter about not leaving the continental US for our honeymoon (see aforementioned travel phobia), but Kiawah Island in South Carolina was beautiful.  That whole week was idyllic. Being freshly married and riding bikes all over the island, sea kayaking, our condo overlooking the ocean . . . it was fabulous.  I could have done without the mirror on the ceiling in our bedroom, however. I still think Mike secretly had them install it. 

5.  Blowing Rock, NC.  Mike and I went there for our first anniversary and it was awesome.  We hiked, walked, ate, and breathed in that pure mountain air.  It was fabulous. 

6.  Across the US Road Trip, 1993.  My dad was super-pissed that I chose to blow my life insurance money on a cross-country road trip with my college boyfriend after graduation, but I’m so glad I did it even today. We left Ann Arbor and drove to California to see my sister.  Along the way, we saw St. Louis, a national park in Oklahoma (who knew OK could be so beautiful?), hiked and camped in the Grand Canyon, fell in love with Flagstaff, drove in the Painted Desert, visited Mexico, hung out with family, then hit every national park we coud in Utah and Colorado.  We visited more friends in Chicago and finally came back to Ann Arbor.  Driving across the US is an amazing way to see the country and I’m really glad I did it, though I wish I had done it with Mike!

7.  Vegas, Baby.  Though Vegas is definitely not my favorite place and no place I have any desire to visit again, I’m so glad I went to Vegas to meet my online friends this past spring.  The friendships and people were worth every naked puking guy I had to see on the street.  And my spazz moment at Nobu even made it onto someone else’s Top 10 List. 

8.  Colorado.  Sometime during college, I conned my friend Tom into taking the train out to Nederland to see some friends.  The train trip was awesome, and the week out there was even better. We did some major hikes, and actually sat on the continental divide at one point. We also visited some natural hot springs (turns out it was run mostly by nudists, but it didn’t bother us). I fell in love with Colorado during that trip and it is a love affair that still continues today.

9.  Camping/Rock Climbing with Julie.  Julie, who left me for Colorado (beeeottch!!!), used to love taking short trips to wherever we could go.  We both liked rock climbing and we both liked hiking, so we had a lot of fun girl-time trips involving burned marshmallows, leaky tents and a lot of interesting rock climbing routes.  These trips mostly took place in Virginia and North Carolina. 

10.  Outer Banks - 3 times over.  The first time was with Mike, alone - we stayed in Duck and had a fabulous time.  The second time was with my mom and dad, Risa, Tori, and a friend of Tori’s. We had a great time and our house was terrific.  Heated floors in the bathroom! HEAVENLY!  The third time was with a group of people Mike knew from law school, and all of their kids.  It was mass chaos - in a good way.  I think the kids slept for a week after that trip. 

We’ve spent the last few days tormenting Tori and reminding Risa why she’s glad her kids are mostly grown up.  Tori (going forward, Toriwill be known only as the TorHeel, a nickname she already hates) will be attending University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, and I begged them to come to NC early so and hang out with Mike, me and the girls for the weekend.  In yet another example of how parents ruin their kids’ lives, Risa forced Tori to come a WHOLE TWO DAYS EARLY for orientation for some good old fashioned family togetherness.  We tried not to embarass her too much, but I’m sure most of her texts this weekend were “OMG these people are SO LAME” and “BTW, I am never spending another weekend w/ these freeks again!”. 

Cristin was an awesome host as well.  Not only is she a UNC alum - she still lives in the area and was our tour guide, restaurant critic and food and beer source. She even showed up at the pool on Saturday with homemade brownies, beer, juice boxes and fresh fruit, already cut. She can run circles around me as a mothr and she isn’t even one yet.  She’s also a third-grade teacher and never misses an opportunity for some educational enrichment of my children.  Between Tori and Cristin, the girls were in hog heaven with all that attention.  Wait until tomorrow when they are stuck in our regular Y routine with their lame-o mother.  Cristin is also my favorite person because she is taking care of the kids for an entire weekend in August so that Mike and I can celebrate our anniversary early at the Grove Park Inn.

Risa and Tori stayed in the swanky Franklin Hotel.  We stayed in the family-friendly Hampton Inn.  Although Risa’s hotel had a button to press for “do not disturb” and “maid please make us this room”, she didn’t figure out the button existed until she was caught mid-sentence bitching about her unmade bed.  D’oh! You have to press the button for the maids to actually come.  Our hotel room lacked the button but had a free breakfast and a pool, and that’s really all we needed to be a happy family. 

Friday night we had dinner with Cristina, Uncle Richard and Aunt Dana. They drove down from their new home in “Hurdle Mills”, which I think is a made-up name for “I live in the middle of nowhere”.  We didn’t get a chance to see their new home but they look surprisingly alive for just completing a move.  We really appreciated them coming down, and we all ate spicy good Mexican food.  Later we hung out at our hotel and played Cranium, which was a ton of fun, as you can see from the videos:

First, Risa being “puppeted” by Tori:

Then, Risa doing strange things with her body:

And finally, Mike being stuck with a “humdinger”:

Saturday, we walked all over the campus, sweating our butts off pushing a double stroller, getting blisters and buying stuff.  I took some pictures, of course.  Risa said she doesn’t know if I’m more addicted to my Crackberry or my camera.  Have I told you lately how much I LURVE my camera??? I do.

Cristin and Tori babysat the monsters Saturday so Mike, Risa and I could go to 411, which was awesome, and then to the worst movie ever (Journey to the Center of the Earth, only seen because it was playing at the time we happened to arrive at the mall). 

We had a great time calling Tori “TorHeel” and embarassing her, and hopefully we didn’t harsh her “last summer at home with friends who really get me” mellow too badly.  If so, we apologize, but we love you Tori, and I’m so glad you’re going to be in NC.  Now if we could just get your bro and parents to move to Richmond . . . .

Mike, the girls and I leave tomorrow afternoon for North Carolina. We’re going there to torment Tori with some family togetherness before she leaves for college, and she’ll be there for orientation.  Cristin’s going to babysit one night, and Tori the other night, so Mike, Risa and I can hang out and do adult things in the evenings. I can’t wait!  I’ll take lots of pictures of Tori yelling, “YOU ARE SO WEIRD, AUNT CRISTINA!” and of me hugging my sister, and drinking her Diet Coke (she hates both things).  Should be a lot of fun. 

I had my post-op appointment and apparently I’ve healed so well I was only catheterized ONCE during the visit and I was given the all-clear.  This means I get to work out again and lift over 10 pounds (read: lift Arden).  I’m excited to be released to active duty 4 days early.  Whoo hooo!!! Unfortunately, I’m working all this week during the mornings when I would normally be working, but I will squeeze some workouts in at one point or another. It’s amazing how gross I feel having not done any classes in 3 weeks. 

Jennifer and Troy invited us over for a fun-filled evening at their house on the 4th of July.  Tommy and Trudy had bought a new sprinkler thing for Sophia, and Annie and baby Georgia were there, along with Helen and Ava (Dave was in DC at a bachelor party). 

After Lily and Arden destroyed Sophia’s playroom, Lily entertained herself by circling Georgia obsessively and petting her cheeks (I have to admit, her cheeks are adorable).  Georgia was very patient and tolerant with all the petting, kissing, and groping that went on.  Jennifer, true to her Italian roots, made enough food for 50, including a yummy baked ziti (because, as she says, it’s “not a party without pasta”).  Troy made delicious hot dogs and hamburgers and Jennifer’s dessert was going to be a cheesecake with patriotic red white and blue fruit adornments.  She cursed a lot at the blender and had some issues with measurements, but it looked yummy.  She slaved over that thing.  After she told us “the cheesecake rose - I don’t think this is going to work out”, we were laughing so hard.  Tasting it made us laugh even harder.  It wasn’t bad - sort of like an egg-quiche texture with a lot of nutmeg flavor.  The fruit, however, was delicious!!! Poor Jenn  

Once we had finished eating, I helped the boys put up the dragon sprinkler.  It was three parts and all needed to be blown up.  Apparently Mike nearly passed out after blowing up the first piece, so I took over and he and Troy hooked up the water.  It was a pretty cool sprinkler - as you can see from the video, the girls all LOVED it!

I also had the fabulous idea that night to host a “slumber party”. I let Lily and Arden sleep with me, and Mike slept upstairs.  That was . . . interesting. Most of the night was spent convincing Arden that no, 3.30 AM is NOT the time we get up and play, and pushing Lily’s various (and overly-warm) appendages off of me.  She really likes to snuggle when she sleeps. That sounds cute, doesn’t it?  Yeah, it’s not so cute when she’s like some freakish vine that is slowly choking the life out of you while she snores in your face.  Anyway, none of us slept very well.

We spent yesterday with Emma and her mom, swimming, eating, playing, and best of all - Mike watched all three girls while Karen and I snuck out for pedicures complete with Starbucks. I was in heaven. The unfortunate soul who got stuck with my feet had her work cut out for her.  It’s been months since I’ve had a pedicure.  Thanks, Mike - my toes and my mind really needed that! 

It was a great holiday weekend, and this coming weekend we’ll be in Chapel Hill with Risa and Tori for Tori’s orientation stuff.  Go ‘Heels!  Or whatever their slogan is.  I’m just looking forward to a hotel suite and a pool, and passing the kids off to Cristin and Tori who LOVE babysitting.  Freaks.  Loveable freaks, but freaks nonetheless. 

In keeping with Photo Challenge Friday, Jess came up with the highly-original Photo Challenge:  Fireworks (almost as original as my Photo Challenge: Summer).  Here’s my favorite from the fireworks on the 3rd. It was some firework I’d never seen before - it made the building look like it was on fire.  And that, in my book, made it super-cool. 

The girls were in a state of agitated excitement all day yesterday in anticipation of the fireworks.  Until I have more time (and battery power), here are the photos from last night and this morning.